[Australian Comedic Country-Folk Story Song] [90 BPM] [Mature, Low, Weathered Female Vocal] [Dry Australian Humour — Clear Storytelling] [Acoustic Guitar, Upright Bass, Light Brushed Drums, Subtle Twangy Electric Guitar, Occasional Harmonica] [No Male Vocals, No Belting, No Shouting Until Final Spoken Outburst] [Spoken Intro — casual Australian drawl, conversational, wry] Well, the old folk have had a day... Off sittin' at the pub. And now, with a skin full, The old fella decides it's time to head on home. Damn! Us kids were hoping to stay with the cuzs'. [Verse 1 — relaxed storytelling, gentle country rhythm] Uncle says, “Drive safe, me old mate, Come back anytime you like!”... “Yeah, I'll be right, mate,” Dad replies, “I'll have these kids and the missus keep me drivin' straight.” So we wave goodbye to the cousins, Uncle and Aunt, beneath the light, With cheesy smiles fixed just right, And dread tucked deep inside for the rest of the night. [Verse 2 — steady rhythm, dry humour] Now, Uncle lived up on a mountain range, A mighty long way from the valley below. To us kids, we were practically up in heaven, And let me tell you, it was a long way down to go! Dad grips the wheel, slow and controlled, Determined and steeled, his knuckles rolled. There's no joyful chatter about the day we'd spent, Not a word from a single occupant. [Chorus — catchy, understated, slightly bouncy] Oh, take it easy, Father, take it slow, There's a mighty long way down below. Every bend's a prayer, every turn's a fright, And we're all gettin' older on this ride tonight! Keep your eyes on the road, keep both hands there, And don't go free-wheelin' down, for goodness' sake! We're hangin' on tight, trying not to make a sound, Just get us safely to the bottom of this mountain, Dad! [Verse 3 — quieter, tense storytelling, rhythm continues] It's like we've all got a hand on that wheel, Concentratin' on every curve we feel. We shut our eyes and shut our mouths too, 'Cause there ain't no use tellin' him what he ought to do. We picture the bends, the wyndz and the climbs, Each twist in the road takes years off our lives. And me? Well, I'm keepin' a lookout ahead, For that safety ramp I'm expectin' to meet! [Verse 4 — tension rising, subtle instrumental build] 'Cause I reckon one day that's where we'll get camped, Up on the gravel in that emergency ramp. I can see it now, clear as can be, Dad, the car and the whole family! So, for goodness' sake, Father, knock it back a gear! Can't you feel the buildin' of fear back here? Forget what your sister taught you about free-wheelin' down, We're not exactly enjoyin' the scenic route from this here town! [Bridge — half-spoken, instruments pull back, comic alarm builds] And then there's the ignition... [Pause — brief silence] For God's sake, turn that ignition back on! You've switched it off to save a cup of fuel! Come on, Dad! We're goin' downhill! We're goin' downhill... with the engine off! [Final Chorus — growing urgency, lively rhythm] Oh, take it easy, Father, take it slow! There's a mighty long way down below! Every bend's a prayer, every turn's a fright, And we're all gettin' older on this ride tonight! Keep your eyes on the road, keep both hands there! Forget that fuel-savin' trick, for goodness' sake! We're hangin' on tight, tryin' not to scream... [Final Verse — quicker delivery, mounting panic, bouncy rhythm] I'm searchin' for the safety ramp, off on the left, Can't see it anywhere — I'm feelin' bereft! The trees are flashin' by, the guard rails too, I think we've polished one... or was that a roo? Where's that ramp? Give us a break! How much more of this can one family take? I'm lookin' and lookin', but it's nowhere in sight... Oh, PLEASE let us make it to the bottom tonight! [Outro — music drops away, spoken in exhausted disbelief voice, desperate comic timing] WHERE'S that flamin' ramp? [Pause] DAD...? [Longer Pause — rising desperation] COME ON! [Another pause] STOP! [A brief burst of chaotic music erupts, then collapses into an abrupt, messy stop]
