I want to tell you something I was in the room Not just watching In the room I had my hands on it Catechism cracked and I cracked with it, carried it for years first Wore the borrowed architecture like it was mine, swallowed the thirst Didn't just observe the doctrine, I delivered it to dinner tables Passed the poison with the portion, called the damage something sta sta stable Built the cage with my own calcium, called construction faith Laid the brick and called it virtue, mortared fear and called it gra gra grace I'm not standing at the wreckage as a witness or a tourist I'm the flood and I'm the building and I'm standing in the for for forest Of everything I built While calling it Belief We built it too We built it too You taught us how We built it too We built it too The ledger went empty Not because someone forgave me Because I found out the accountant Was me The whole Damn Time They built the fear Before they built the god They built the god Before they built the rod They built the rod And I Wrapped my fist around it Like it grew there And I Drove it through the silence To hear it scream Scream Scream I helped build that Brick by blessed brick I handed them the language and they weaponized the script I helped build that Knees on the floor I was the congregation and their God upon their door I signed the deed In my own name I built their altar, lit their candle, fanned their dirty flame I signed the deed Knew what it cost I was the offering and the offering was lost I helped build that Brick by blessed brick Personality's not scar tissue it's the coping still mid-function Every self I think I am still running on the original instruction Feel the phantom obligation fire when the ritual goes missing Body still trips in the empty room and I catch it Catch it Every time And bow again anyway sometimes That's the contamination they don't put in the pamphlet That's the grease beneath the fingernail they sanitize and can it You don't just walk out of the architecture you inhabited for decades The architecture walks out with you and it takes its sweet time fading It takes its time It takes its time Watched myself perform sincerity for an audience of no one Mid-sentence, building altars in a conversation I had already won Same mouth that called the system out still shapes itself to qualify Same spine that snapped the leash still knows exactly how to genuflect and sub sub submit They built the fear Before they built the god They built the god Before they built the rod They built the rod And I Sharpened both ends And named it mine And I Drove it through the silence To hear it scream I helped build that Brick by blessed brick I handed them the language and they weaponized the script I helped build that Knees on the floor I was the congregation and their God upon their filthy door I signed the deed In my own name I built their altar, lit their candle, fanned their dirty flame I signed the deed Knew what it cost I was the offering and the offering was lost I helped build that Brick by blessed brick This is not the part where I recover This is not the part where it gets clean This is the part where I admit I liked the cage Some mornings You know what I Mean I crowned that god With my own hands I carved the law into my spine so it would always stand I crowned that god Felt it take root I was the congregation and their God upon their door I forged their chain Link after link I fed it blood until it learned exactly how to think I forged their chain Wore it with pride I was the jailer and the captive sealed inside I helped build that Brick by blessed brick There was no throne
