[verse] You're wearing aviators inside a dive bar, Dropping the make of your imported car. You tipped the bartender a handful of dimes, You've used the word "literally" forty-five times. You've got a tribal tattoo but you've never left the state, You are absolutely everything I fucking hate! [chorus] I wanna smash a bottle right across your head! Because you're such a total DICKHEAD! You're an absolute disaster, a walking red flag! A narcissistic, self-obsessed, total dirtbag! Every word you say makes me wanna scream! You're the biggest fuckwit that I've ever seen! [verse] You ordered a martini at a sticky punk joint, You keep talking in circles without making a point. You're mansplaining bands that I have tattooed on my arm, And you think your smug little smirk is an irresistible charm. You smell like cheap body spray and a desperate plea, And you're standing way too fucking close to me! [chorus] I wanna smash a bottle right across your head! Because you're such a fuckin' DICKHEAD! You're an absolute disaster, a walking red flag! A narcissistic, self-obsessed, total shitbag! Every word you say makes me wanna scream! You're the biggest cocksucker that I've ever seen! [verse] You just quoted a podcast 'bout the alpha male grind, You are completely devoid of an original mind. You asked my drummer if she actually knows how to play, I am plotting how to hide your body away. You're a walking, talking, breathing embodiment of trash, With a truly pathetic attempt at a mustache! [bridge ] I'm gripping my drink so hard the glass might break. Looking at you is a colossal mistake. My brain is screaming danger, my pride is on the floor. But there's a weird kind of electricity kicking down the door. My pulse is getting faster, my vision's going blur. It's toxic, it's tragic, it's a terrible slur. I hate your face! I hate your voice! SO WHY THE HELL DOES MY BODY HAVE NO CHOICE?! [guitar solo] [chorus] So why do I wanna take you home tonight?! You're a monumental DICKHEAD, but I'm losing the fight! So why do I have the sudden urge to drag you out and hook up?! You're the absolute worst, and I am totally stuck! It makes no sense! I hate your stupid hair! But I wanna rip your clothes off on the goddamn stairs! Yeah, you're a piece of trash, you're a walking disease! But I'm looking at your mouth and I'm weak in the knees! [outro] Shut up. Seriously, do not speak another fucking word. Put the crypto wallet away. Get your coat. Call a fucking cab. The fuck's wrong with me??... You're about to be a lucky fucking Dickhead.
