[Verse] On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me A partridge in a pear tree. , ……. , ……. [spoken] A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE? SERIOUSLY? I think we need to change things up! [rocking instrumental] [Verse 1] On the first day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me A guitar pick signed by Eddie V.! [Verse 2] On the second day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me Two leather gloves, And a guitar pick signed by Eddie V.! [Verse 3] On the third day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me Three flaming lighters, Two leather gloves, And a guitar pick signed by Eddie V.! [Verse 4] On the fourth day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me Four backstage groupies, Three flaming lighters, Two leather gloves, And a guitar pick signed by Eddie V.! [Verse 5] On the fifth day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me... FIVE GOLDEN STRINGS! [guitar solo] [Verse 6] On the sixth day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me... , ……. , ……. [spoken] HOW MANY FUCKING DAYS ARE THERE IN THIS THING? SCREW THAT, LET'S JUST SKIP TO THE END! [Verse 12] On the twelfth day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me Twelve whiskey bottles, Eleven cans of hairspray, Ten torn fishnets, Nine vinyl records, Eight Lemmy posters, Seven shots of tequila, Six bags of cocaine, Five golden strings, Four backstage groupies, Three flaming lighters, Two leather gloves, And a guitar pick signed by Eddie V.! [guitar solo] [instrumental] [outro] "Have a Merry Metal Christmas!" [end]