[Intro: tight harmonies, finger snaps and stomps for rhythm] (A cappella catchy intro, Irish lilting in rich harmony, 8 measures) [Verse 1: lead vocal, harmonies punch in sarcastically] There once was a man with a grin Who begged me to let him back in "Come visit!" he'd cry — on my dime — what a guy Should've known not to bend to his whim [Chorus: full harmony, rhythmic stomps and claps emphasizing the irony] Oh cheers to the trip of my dreams (my dreams!) Where nothing was quite what it seemed (it seemed!) He begged me to stay, Then pushed me away — We really did make quite the team [Verse 2: sardonic, biting lead vocal with wry harmonies] Day one, real delight on his part By hour two, I'd memorized his art We just sat on the couch I could feel his slow slouch And I thought, "Well — off to a great start!" [Verse 3: dry lead vocal, harmonies hover skeptically] Day two, every plan hit a wall "Wanna go out?" — he would stall When I said, "Anywhere?" Got a thousand-yard stare Then he wandered off texting — that's all [Verse 4: lead vocal, harmonies echo with barely concealed judgment] Day three, he got tense as a knot My mere *presence* had hit a hot spot I could hardly just flee — (Harmonies: could hardly flee!) So I poured myself tea While the vibe screamed, "You've outstayed the plot" [Chorus: harmony swells, dripping sarcasm] Ohhhh, cheers to the man of great thirst (great thirst!) Who got insecure as my patience burst (patience burst!) The breakup was bland, As well as secondhand — Because I'd broken up with him first [Harmonies, bored drawl:] …and second. …and third. [silent pause, stomps] [a cappella musical break, upbeat, rich harmonies build] [Verse 5: harmonies hover suspensefully, claps soft but rhythmic] At the airport, I hefted my bag alone While he stood there, watching cold as stone He muttered, "You're great — But this isn't our fate — So good luck with everything," in dead monotone [Verse 6: lead vocal, matter-of-fact, dry] Then we just stood there — should I break the ice? Say, "Sure, well, the visit was nice!" But why bother pretend? I just said, "Okay, friend," And walked off without thinking twice [Bridge: spoken word, harmonies build beneath] He had asked me to visit — no doubt. Was this breakup his grand fade-out? If it *was* a clean break, Why just stand there and wait While I wrestled my luggage, the lout? [Final Chorus: full harmony, defiant and triumphant, stomps and claps] Oh cheers to the trunkside finale! (Finale!) Without so much as a rally! (Rally!) After three days of hell, And a half-assed farewell — Flying solo is more up my alley! [Outro: soft background harmonies, sheepishly sarcastic] (Spoken, mockingly affectionate) (Imitating low male voice) "So… good luck with everything…" (Spoken - female lead, dry, mockingly affectionate) (scoff) Yeah. Okay. Buh-bye now. [Three abrupt stomps. Silence.]
