╔════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ 🥡 REN’S CANON ADDENDUM 🥡 ║ ARTHUR-VERSE · SEASON 4.5 ║ SUBSTITUTIONS MAY (NOT) BE SERVED ╚════════════════════════════════════╝ EPISODE 3: Bad Dragon! ──────────────────────── 📧 FROM: REN 📧 TO: JUSTIN 📎 RE: BAD DRAGON! Justin, Episode 3 is called Bad Dragon, because Harley looked at Happy Dragon and apparently decided he was Bud or Lou with a cash register. Bart asked for food, not judgment, and Harley’s answer to existential dismissal was service recovery: egg rolls, beer, a slap to the back of the head, and one very sincere middle finger. Also, the tee-hee-ha-ha thing did not go away. I opened the laptop again and it was still there, ringing in my ears, and then the AI gave the song a male vocalist I did not ask for. It felt like the room itself started scolding Happy Dragon with her, which is exciting, disconcerting, and probably your fault. —Ren ──────────────────────── 🥠 FORTUNE ATTACHED TO RECEIPT 🥠 “Not every house knows what to do with return. Eat anyway.” Lucky Numbers: 21 · 2 · 43 · 14 ============================================ [intro: choirs] tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee ha-ha! tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee Tee-hee! [verse 1] You smug dragon deity, you fucked up hospitality! (tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee ha-ha!) You watched him shrink and let him leave, then called it law. Bitch, please. —- (tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee ha-ha!) [pre-chorus] No substitutions? Fine. We’re clear. He asked for food, not judgment here. (Tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee! Tee-hee!) [Chorus] He had cash, you ass! He stood in line, You made his hunger feel like a crime. —Bad Dragon! You can’t fry freaks for staying alive, A house that starves them won’t survive. —Bad Dragon! [bridge: build up] Service recovery, here we go, Before your dumbass tanks the show. Harley grabbed a bag! [double time: male vocalist] One hand grabbed something fried The bag popped wide, her hands dove inside. Egg rolls went down, grease-gold and brown. She grabbed the drink, then paused to think. She judged the glass, and said, [female vocalist] “Hard pass.” “Fuck soda… kid needs something stronger!” [explosive: choirs] The soda flew, the glass broke too. Three beers went in, with feral grin. She crossed the floor, then kicked the door. One finger high, as she walked by. [Chorus] He had cash, you ass! He stood in line, You made his hunger feel like a crime. —Bad Dragon! You can’t fry freaks for staying alive, A house that starves them won’t survive. —Bad Dragon! [verse 2] There you sit, speed freak, curbside and beat, king of no dinner with nothing to eat. (tee-hee ha-ha! tee-hee ha-ha!) She smacked him once, hard, but true, like, “Sit up, brat, I’m feeding you.” (tee-hee ha-ha! tee-hee ha-ha!) [pre-chorus] “Here’s your egg rolls and some drinks to take the edge off… on the house!… Stay fed… stay weird… stay you… you lil’ shit.” (Tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee ha-ha! Tee-hee! Tee-hee!) [Final Chorus] That Dragon’s an ass! You stood in line, Boss made your hunger feel like a crime. —Our bad! We don’t fry freaks for staying alive, A house that starves them won’t survive. —Bad Dragon! Bart, here’s my apology, greasy and sweet, On the house, now sit down and eat. —Stay fed, freak! [outro: music slows] Happy Dragon stared through the window’s glow, smoke from his nostrils curled low… and slow…
