Everything’s Fine, Guys

[Intro spoken newscaster] “Today at market close, the dow is down another 5 points. Experts say a recession is imminent.” [Verse] You don’t have to pay your heating bill, When everything around is on Fie-Yuh! Food is expensive so you might just starve, Hit your goals of extreme weight-LOSS! Can’t find a job but that’s okay, Drive for uber so you can be your own BOSS! Oh wait, that car’s expensive now! Every time you drive you take a LOSS! [Hook] Everything is fine! (Think positive thoughts!) Everything is fine! (Think positive thoughts!) Everything is fine! (Think positive thoughts!) Everything is fine! (Think positive thoughts!) [Bridge spoken newscaster] “Emergency services are unable to access or provide aid to the crisis zones caused by Hurricanes this year. Experts who request anonymity cite a lack of resources.” [Verse] You don’t have the intellect to grasp, These new fiscal policies! Wharton school of business, fool! Where even Dees can get degrees! You know our economic system don’t work, So toss a wrench in the machine! If you think a five percent tariff will kill ya, How’s about fifteen?! [Hook] Everything is fine! (Think positive thoughts!) Everything is fine! (Think positive thoughts!) Everything is fine! (Think positive thoughts!) Everything is fine! (Think positive thoughts!) [Big Finish] Sit down! Calm down! Everything is fine! Go slow! Stay low! Everything is fine! Shut up! Sit tight! Everything is Fine! Knock at! Your Door! Everything is fine! [short interlude] Nay-burr! Steal food! Everything is fine! Buy guns! Load up! Everything is fine! Dee-See! Road trip! Everything is fine! Take aim! Fire shot! Everything is fine. (Everything is fine.) (Everything is fine.) (Everything is fine.) (Everything is fine.) [Outro spoken newscaster] “The President has been rushed to the hospital, but doctors say his outlook is grim due to their inability to reach and extract the perpetrators bullet. Law enforcement is still unaware of the shooter’s location due to budget cuts impeding staff resources.”