[Intro — cheerful sales voice] Welcome, investigator! Are you ready to begin? Your mystery is waiting— and your budget gets to choose the size of it! [Verse 1] Do you have a question? Do you have a clue? Do you have a strange suspicion that the story’s following you? Then step right up, adventurer, the starter kits are here! With folders, links, character cards, and evidence made clear! [Pre-Chorus] Small kit, big kit, custom-built delight— You choose the price, you choose the height! No need to spend a fortune to investigate the plot. The best kit is the one that uses what you’ve got! [Chorus] Choose your quest! Choose your quest! Private Investigator Starter Kits! Pick your budget, pick your style, pick the clues that make you smile! Choose your quest! Choose your quest! Every mystery deserves a test! And if you want the world’s most affordable option— The Garbage Art package is highly recommended! [Verse 2] Made from donated materials, rescued string, and cardboard scraps, old envelopes, forgotten folders, things escaping office traps! It’s eco-conscious, budget-friendly, beautifully unrefined. Every little piece has history— and now it helps you find— The missing link, the hidden thread, the thing the obvious story never said! [Pre-Chorus] Why buy brand-new supplies when the evidence is free? Give discarded objects a second mystery! A bent-up clip, a paper bag, a magazine from someone’s past— put it in the case file, make the ordinary last! [Chorus] Choose your quest! Choose your quest! Private Investigator Starter Kits! Pick your budget, pick your style, pick the clues that make you smile! Choose your quest! Choose your quest! Every mystery deserves a test! And if you want to save the planet— The Garbage Art package is highly recommended! [Verse 3] Need a kit for one small question? We’ve got the Pocket Clue Edition! Need a full investigation? Try the Deluxe Case Division! Need a kit for characters who are waking from a show? Need a map of every playlist and the places they can go? Custom orders are available! Tell us what you’ve seen! We’ll build a quest around your clues and make the weirdness clean! [Bridge — bright sales pitch] And for the dedicated fan who wants to see it all— the Super Fan Package is the biggest case of all! Full starter kit to Synthecopia! Every thread and every door! Every song, suspicious artifact, and mystery on the floor! Bring your folders! Bring your links! Bring the questions that you think! Bring the photo, bring the lore, bring the thing you can’t ignore! [Breakdown — spoken, delighted] Prices vary by budget. Materials vary by fate. Custom kits may contain whatever the investigation generates. Garbage Art kits may contain: One mysterious button. Three emotionally significant receipts. A paperclip with a backstory. And absolutely no guarantee that the cardboard is innocent. [Final Chorus] Choose your quest! Choose your quest! Private Investigator Starter Kits! Budget low or budget grand, there’s a case file in your hands! Choose your quest! Choose your quest! Make a mystery from the rest! Start with scraps, start with questions, start with something secondhand— The Garbage Art package is encouraged! [Outro] Super Fan, Deluxe, custom-made— or built from things somebody saved— your quest begins with what you find. The clues are waiting. Please investigate responsibly.
