[VERSE 1] Well I woke up Monday morning Thinkin’ probate can’t be that bad… Then my brother called the lawyer And the lawyer called him “Dad.” They sent HIM the onboarding Like I don’t even exist, Meanwhile my legal name’s misspelled On a contract that I didn’t even twist! [CHORUS] Welcome to the probate rodeo, Where the emails never get returned, Where the lawyer’s confused, And my brother’s amused, And everything Mom wanted gets burned. Giddy-up, sign your name (wrong), let’s go, It’s a circus run by one sad clown— Yippee-ki-yay, I’m the Executor, babe, But apparently Chris runs this town. [VERSE 2] He got money from a friend Who said the loan was “for us both,” But now he’s struttin’ ’round like royalty Swearing probate’s under HIS oath. Every time I ask a question He starts screaming like it's war— “I’ll just do it ALL MYSELF!” he says, Though he didn’t read the will before. [CHORUS] Welcome to the probate rodeo, Where the logic has left the room, Where the lawyer won’t reply Though I email, cry, and try, And the threats roll in like doom. Hold tight to your sanity, oh no— This estate’s a bucking bronc from hell— But hey, saddle up, sweetheart, ‘Cause you gotta fix it all yourself. [BRIDGE] Maybe one day they’ll spell my name right, Maybe one day they’ll call ME back… Maybe unicorns will do the probate And the creditors will cut me slack. ’Til then I’m riding this disaster Like a cowboy on TV— If paperwork was a country song This would be track number three. [FINAL CHORUS] Welcome to the probate rodeo, Grab your boots, your will, your Xanax too— Where the lawyer’s a ghost, Chris is doing the most, And I’m stuck cleaning up the zoo. But when it’s done I’ll stand and roar, Wear a crown I fully earned— Executor, baby—Mom picked me for a reason… And that lesson’s finally learned. [OUTRO] Yee-haw, probate rodeo— May God have mercy on our souls.
