[Intro — a church bell rings once. A match strikes. A woman chuckles softly. Low organ, upright bass.] [Spoken, conspiratorial] Shh. Don’t tell the angels. Don’t tell the king. Don’t tell the man who thinks he wrote the whole damn thing. [Pause] I’ve got a joke. It’s very old. And apparently, nobody ever told the punchline. [Verse 1 — smoky blues, playful bass clarinet] They built a courtroom in the clouds, Put a halo on the stand. Gave the judge a golden gavel, Put the world inside his hands. They called the witnesses by name, They called the sinners to confess. They said the story had an ending, Said the ending had been blessed. But down beneath the marble stairs, Where the footnotes gather dust, Sat a woman with a question And a thoroughly suspicious trust. She said, “Who’s the one who wrote this?” They said, “Darling, that’s divine.” She said, “Then why’s the star of morning Standing at the end of every line?” [Pre-Chorus — finger snaps, organ swells] Was he the villain? Was he the light? Was he a character Who never got to write? Did you read the source? Did you check the date? Or did somebody tell a story And somebody call it fate? [Chorus — explosive dark cabaret swing] LUCIFER IS THE PUNCH LINE! OH, WHAT A LOVELY LITTLE TWIST! EVERYBODY KNOWS THE STORY, BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY MISSED? Roll the stone! Ring the bell! Who gets heaven? Who gets hell? Turn the page! Check the sign! LUCIFER IS THE PUNCH LINE! Ha-ha-hallelujah! Isn’t that divine? The joke was in the telling The entire fucking time! [Verse 2 — slinky piano, muted brass] The prosecutor wore a halo, The defendant wore a grin. The clerk was taking statements, But nobody checked them in. They argued over ancient words, Who was wrong and who was right. Who inherited the darkness, Who was authorized as light. A little voice said, “Objection!” The cathedral held its breath. “Are we judging what was written, Or the meaning that we guessed?” The judge said, “That’s tradition.” She said, “Honey, so’s a mime. Doesn’t mean the man performing Gets to own the pantomime.” [Pre-Chorus — stripped to bass and snapping] Who gets credit? Who gets blamed? Who gets written Out of the frame? If the witness can’t be questioned, And the author can’t reply, How’d your interpretation Get promoted to the sky? [Chorus] LUCIFER IS THE PUNCH LINE! OH, WHAT A LOVELY LITTLE TWIST! EVERYBODY KNOWS THE STORY, BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY MISSED? Roll the stone! Ring the bell! Who gets heaven? Who gets hell? Turn the page! Check the sign! LUCIFER IS THE PUNCH LINE! Ha-ha-hallelujah! Isn’t that divine? The joke was in the telling The entire fucking time! [Bridge — music stops; one female voice playing every character, courtroom acoustics] JUDGE: Do you deny the story? PUN-PUN: No. JUDGE: Then what exactly is your objection? PUN-PUN: The interpretation. JUDGE: On what grounds? PUN-PUN: You keep confusing the narrator with the author. [Silence] JUDGE: And what evidence do you offer? [Three slow nail-file strokes] PUN-PUN: Your Honor… [Pause] You’re asking the punchline to explain the joke. [Organ drops an octave. A distant laugh.] [Verse 3 — slow, almost tender; harp beneath organ] Maybe there was never one Who knew the whole design. Maybe every generation Drew another little line. Some found comfort in the pages, Some found reasons to condemn. Some found mercy in the margins, Some found power over men. I don’t claim to know the ending, I don’t claim to know the throne. I just know a borrowed certainty Is not a truth I’ve known. And if a story lights a fire, Let me see what gives it flame. I can laugh at an interpretation Without laughing at someone’s faith. [Final Chorus — full theatrical brass, gospel-flavored organ, one singer, no choir] LUCIFER IS THE PUNCH LINE! THE JURY’S LOST ITS PLACE! THE NARRATOR’S IN THE WITNESS BOX WITH EGG UPON HIS FACE! Roll the one! Ring the bell! Who wrote heaven? Who wrote hell? Read the words! Mind the line! LUCIFER IS THE PUNCH LINE! Ha-ha-hallelujah! The curtain’s coming down! Nobody gets the final word Just because they wear a crown! [Outro — music stops; one tiny bell] DUNGEON EMPLOYEE: So… Lucifer was the villain? PUN-PUN: That’s one interpretation. DUNGEON EMPLOYEE: The hero? PUN-PUN: Another. DUNGEON EMPLOYEE: Then WHAT IS THE PUNCHLINE?! [Long silence] PUN-PUN: Darling. [An eyebrow rises.] You. [The bass plays one descending note.] DUNGEON EMPLOYEE: … OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. [Cash register ding] SYSTEM: INTERPRETATION FEE — PENDING. [Whispered] Shh. Don’t spoil the ending. [One soft laugh. Cut to silence.]
