THE POMEGRANATE PALADINS [SCREAMED INTRO — DISTORTED / REVERB] Pomegranate juice drips through the fog clouds… Refined seeds in the chalice… Bow your head. BOW. YOUR. FUCKING. HEAD. [BUILD] Blood-red— Sky stained— Seeds fall— Gods reign— POMEGRANATE— [DROP / CHORUS] POMEGRANATE PALADINS! Bright blood-red juice wherever they hang March through the realm like they own the fucking place Seeds on the armor, juice on the blade Pomegranate Gods got the whole sky stained POMEGRANATE PALADINS! They already know your fate ’Cause they came to fucking eliminate Burn your house, drag you south Throw you before their Gods and shout— REPENT! SPLISH! SPLASH! SPLISH! SPLASH! Blood-red rain from above SPLISH! SPLASH! SPLISH! SPLASH! Pomegranate Gods want blood! [VERSE 1] Bright-red juice cape draggin’ — don’t touch the trim Gods sent another message — probably ‘bout them Paladin struttin’ with his chin held high Said, “I spoke to the fruit in the middle of the night” Whole squad blessed Whole squad clean But if they squirt you once You’re gonna need dry-clean Ruby-red cross on a grape-black night Helmet feathers unnecessarily high Tall as giants, lit like fire Walk past peasants like they’re already retired “MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY!” When the Paladins haul Holy juice drippin’ from a ceremonial bowl Sword never drawn but it’s polished like glass Six-hour sermon while the whole day pass Proper seed placement Proper display Had a vision in a dream Now you gotta obey [PRE-CHORUS — MELODIC] Oooohhh — blood moon glow Pomegranate Gods tell ’em where to go Oooohhh — haze clouds hangin’ low And the Paladins proclaim— “We already know… We’re better than you, though.” [DROP / CHORUS] POMEGRANATE PALADINS! Bright blood-red juice wherever they hang March through the realm like they own the fucking place Seeds on the armor, juice on the blade Pomegranate Gods got the whole sky stained POMEGRANATE PALADINS! They already know your fate ’Cause they came to fucking eliminate Burn your house, drag you south Throw you before their Gods and shout— REPENT! SPLISH! SPLASH! SPLISH! SPLASH! Blood-red rain from above SPLISH! SPLASH! SPLISH! SPLASH! Pomegranate Gods want blood! [VERSE 2 — BASS GROOVE] Grand Bok Choy Duke got a robe to the floor Knocks three times on the Pomegranate Door High Seed Keeper with the ruby-red staff Looked at the veggie knights— “Don’t make me laugh.” We don’t do apples We don’t do pear Bring that weak vegetable shit anywhere but here Sacred red juice in a diamond cup If the Gods ain’t calling— DON’T INTERRUPT. Clouds turn pink when the whole squad ride Pomegranate-white beasts moving side by side Ten green sheep marching into the night Minstrels in the back screaming— “WE’RE ALL GONNA FUCKING DIE!” Paladins don’t blink Paladins don’t care Dragging everybody on a crusade somewhere Aramaic scripture embroidered on the fit Nobody can read it but it looks legit Asked what it meant, they stared for a bit— “You wouldn’t understand.” Then they walked off quick. [BREAKDOWN — MUSIC CUTS] At this point… These bastards gotta be stopped. So I got right up. Got the crew together. Loaded the guns. Tonight— THE POMEGRANATE PALADINS FALL. [BUILD — KICK ACCELERATES] We pulled up— Holy fruit glowing bright Blood moon hanging in the dead of night Paladins turn— Ruby eyes glow— Bass drops low— Pomegranate Gods say— [SILENCE] “LET THIS BE OUR FINAL FIGHT!” [MASSIVE DROP] POMEGRANATE PALADINS! Bright blood-red juice wherever they hang March through the realm like they own the fucking place Seeds on the armor, juice on the blade Pomegranate Gods got the whole sky stained POMEGRANATE PALADINS! Pompous as hell with their gold-chain saints Pomegranate Gods already chose your fate They came to fucking eliminate Burn your house Drag you south Put you before their Gods and shout— REPENT! Or we’ll turn you— TO POMEGRANATE DUST! [BEAT CUT] But this time… THAT’S NOT HOW IT FUCKING WENT. [FINAL VERSE — FAST / CHAOTIC] We opened fire and the red juice flew Paladins scattered — didn’t know what to do Running and diving, dropping like flies For the first damn time they could see their demise Red on the rocks Seeds in the sky Pomegranate banners burning up high When the carnage was done We walked down the cliff Found one Paladin alive in the mist Dropped to his knees Hands to the Gods Screaming— “PLEASE! DON’T FINISH THE JOB!” “I’ll quit the crusades! I’ll change my plan! I’ll become… A RETAIL POMEGRANATE MAN!” … We knew it was stupid. But we let him go. And hopefully… He doesn’t tell the other Paladins. [OUTRO — DREAMY SYNTHS] Anyway… That’s a story for another time. Remember what you heard. Remember the signs. When the clouds turn pink And the blood moon shines… Stay the fuck away… [DISTORTED WHISPER] …from pomegranate brine. [FINAL STINGER] SPLISH— SPLASH.
