MALE VOICE: (Spoken, low, slightly cynical) Alright, let's talk size. Let's talk scale. You ready? (Verse 1) (Tempo kicks in—fast, rhythmic delivery) Fourth time this month, pepperoni and cheese Open up the box, and I'm dropped to my knees Not 'cause it's beautiful, nah, 'cause it's cute Like a tiny little sample in a pizza-man suit. They got the menu out, talkin' 'bout a "Large Deluxe" I'm lookin' at the diameter, like, "What in the f—?!" It's barely big enough to fit on a plate If this is your "large," man, your expectations are straight-up bait! (Pre-Chorus) (Voice gets more melodic, building momentum) See, if Domino's was a dude, lookin' me dead in the eye Sayin', "Baby, you know, I ain't the kinda guy to lie!" He'd be posturin' and flexin', tryin' to act real tall... I'd just sigh, pull my chair up, and say, "That's pretty small." (Chorus - THE HOOK) (Full energy, shout-singing, catchy and repetitive) If Domino's was a man, I'd be a woman, I swear! Based on what they consider tiny, I'd be a multi-millionaire! Their "large" is a joke, their "medium" is a crumb! Yeah, I'd be a woman, baby, the one who's NEVER numb! 'Cause I'm the one who knows the difference between a pizza and a dot! In the world of the small, I'm the Queen of what they ain't got! (Verse 2) (Back to rhythmic delivery, confident and swaggering) Yeah, I've dated them all, the thin crusts and the deep dish Got the measurements mapped out, I know every wish I've seen the 12-inch, the 14, the "family" size lie Don't tell me it's generous, you can see it with your eye! I got a PhD in geometry, of the circle and slice I can spot an undersize at a glance, no compromise! So when they walk in talkin' big about their little pie's scale I just nod my head and watch the measurement fail. (Bridge) (Tempo slows, guitar riff gets heavier, voice is more controlled and dramatic) You wanna call me out? Go ahead, put the title on me. Say I've been around the block, say I've seen it all, honey. (A sudden, sharp pause) Yeah, I've seen the Pepperoni, I've seen the Sausage, I've seen the works, kid... I've seen all the toppings, every single thing you did... (Outro - The Punchline) (Beat drops back in hard and fast, final lines are delivered with conviction) Guess I'm a SLUT because I've seen SO MANY PIZZAS, I KNOW! (Slight delay on the final word) I just KNOW! (Final sustained, distorted chord and sharp drum hit) K. N. O. W.!
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