[Intro – Spoken] I asked for a ride to the castle. This is not the castle. Why are there ten children? [Verse 1] I stole the map, the Grail’s my plan, Then ducked inside a minivan. A soccer mom said, “Buckle tight!” The doors slammed shut. We took to flight. She’s got a whistle, cleats, and nerve, The feds are tailing every curve. I’m crouched beneath a pile of gear— A juice box just rolled past my ear. [Pre-Chorus] “Mom, he’s burping!” “I need a snack!” “Who’s that green guy in the back?” No one sees me, thank the sky— Wait, she’s taking that turn too high! [Chorus] Wrong van, wrong van, I picked the wrong van! Ten kids yelling, and I’m Frankenstein! She’s chasing practice, the feds chase her, She drives like thunder through the danger. Wrong van, wrong van, what’s the plan? Holy Grail map in my shaking hand! “Soccer moms do it better”—true! I’m just along for the carpool cruise! [Verse 2] One kid screams for apple slices, Two are trading burp surprises. Someone’s kicking at my shoe, Someone asks if I’m coach too. Mom cuts left; the sirens wail, The snack crumbs fly like hail and flail. She threads the cones, she clears the lot— The kids all cheer: “That was so hot!” [Pre-Chorus] “Mom, he’s burping!” “I need a snack!” “Who’s that green guy in the back?” I hold the map and try to hide— A tiny soccer ball hits my side. [Chorus] Wrong van, wrong van, I picked the wrong van! Ten kids yelling, and I’m Frankenstein! She’s chasing practice, the feds chase her, She drives like thunder through the danger. Wrong van, wrong van, what’s the plan? Holy Grail map in my shaking hand! “Soccer moms do it better”—true! I’m just along for the carpool cruise! [Bridge – Spoken] I came for the Grail. I got orange slices. I came to disappear. Now I’m somebody’s assistant coach. [Breakdown] Wrong turn! Snack stop! Seat belt! Don’t pop! Map down! Heads low! Practice starts—go, go, go! [Final Chorus] Wrong van, wrong van, I picked the wrong van! Ten kids yelling, and I’m Frankenstein! The feds fall back, the field comes into view, She parks like a legend—what can’t she do? Wrong van, wrong van, I understand: The Grail can wait; I’m on snack demand. “Soccer moms do it better”—true! I’m riding shotgun for the carpool crew! [Outro – Spoken] Do you have a team jersey in my size?
