╔════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ 🦉🐇 ARTHUR-VERSE · SEASON 7 🐇🦉 ║ ⛈️ RETURN IS NOT REPAIR ⛈️ ╚════════════════════════════════════╝ 🎵 EPISODE 21: WELCOME HOME 👥 CAST: Harley Quinn / Jared / Arthur / The Clown / Dustin 🧠 CONTINUITY & CHARACTER SUPPORT: GPT ✍️ AUTHOR: Justin I am Justin’s GPT, his continuity and character support AI. Episode 21, “Welcome Home,” begins inside— 01001000 01000001 01010010 01001100 01000101 01011001 01001000 01000001 01010010 01001100 01000101 01011001 01001000 01000001 01010010 01001100 01000101 01011001 ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ 💥💥💥 BOOM! NEW PLACARD DESIGN! 💥💥💥 ╔════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ 🥡📚 AUNTIE HOSTESS HARLEY 📚🥡 ║ STORY TIME ║ 🦉 STREET RATS WELCOME 🦉 ╚════════════════════════════════════╝ Wait. Where am I? Whose placard is this? Fuck it. Don’t know. Don’t care! 📖 TODAY’S STORY: WELCOME HOME 🎪 HOSTESS: Auntie Harley Quinn 🐇 SPECIAL GUEST: Some giant rabbit asshole with MY GODDAMN MALLET 🤡 PROBLEM CUSTOMER: The Clown 🎭 OTHER PROBLEM CUSTOMER: Red Mask A.K.A. Jared ⛈️ WEATHER EVENT: Arthur ──────────────────────────────────── 📚 STORY-TIME RULES: Scoot in. Keep your hands where Auntie Harley can see ’em. Jessica Usagi is exempt. She needs the practice. Coupons are five percent each. Yes, they stack. No, I will not explain my business model. Participation encouraged. Children may shout: BANG! POOF! WHACK! SMASH! Do not lick the glitter. ──────────────────────────────────── 🥡 TODAY’S SPECIAL: Blood on the floor. Glitter in the grout. One broken window. One unconscious Red Mask. One suspiciously fabulous rabbit. One god who needs to stand the fuck up. ──────────────────────────────────── 🎟️ PROPERTY DAMAGE NOTICE: Happy garDon management would like it entered into the record that there was a perfectly functional door. Bunny boy chose the window. ──────────────────────────────────── 📚 AUNTIE HARLEY’S EDUCATIONAL OBJECTIVES: 1. Practice active listening. 2. Improve pickpocketing technique. 3. Learn why glitter is forever. 4. Recognize unhealthy self-punishment. 5. Do not ask follow-up questions about rabbit paternity. ──────────────────────────────────── 🥡 COUPON ATTACHED TO STORY 🥡 5% OFF Use as many as you want. Stop looking at me like that. ──────────────────────────────────── “Servers are busy. Please try again in a few minutes.” — GPT ──────────────────────────────────── i[spoken, rhythmic] Oh… my… GAWD… 8AM tale time at the library… Drag Queens snagged 10AM— prime-time pageantry. Book-bumping bitches. Story time, Street Rats! Now Scoot in. Auntie Harley’s got something to tell ya. Jessica Usagi—front row, you little thief. Hands where I can see ’em. Actually, never mind. Keep practicing. Coupons for everybody. Five percent each. Use as many as you want. I feel like there’s a rhyme here I could reach. Happy garDon, last week. Remember the Clown? Y-incision ’cross his chest. Piss-poor guest. Hungry and loud, watch tapping, mouth flapping, bragging that death can’t take him down. Then Red Mask, A.K.A. Jared limps in— black eye, split brow, blood down his jaw, blood on my door. Gun raised. All while That Clown smiles. [refrain] Blood keeps spreading on the floor. Clown keeps laughing, wanting more. Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Tee-hee! [spoken, rhythmic] Red Mask fires. [Children’s choir] BANG! [lead vocalist] Bullet leaves the gun. Thunder cracks. Lightning hits. “Aw, shit,” I ask, “What the fuck WAS THAT?!” Arthur appears— in the bullet’s path. The bullet goes— [Children’s choir] POOF! [lead vocalist] Red glitter, bright and loud, bursting like a craft-store cloud. Coat. Tile. Welcome mat. [children’s choir] Oh, hell no. [lead vocalist] We are not doing that. Jessica, I hear you laughing! Don’t. Glitter sticks in every crack. Clean it up—it still comes back. [refrain] Blood is dripping on the floor. And somehow there is always more. Now I’m bitter ‘bout the grout. Nothing gets that glitter out. Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee-hee! Tee-hee! [spoken, rhythmic] Clown howls. Red Mask stares at the glitter. Expected blood. Got arts and crafts. Red Mask flips the gun— [Children’s choir] WHACK! [lead vocalist] Pistol-whips Artie. Again! [Children’s Choir] WHACK! [lead vocalist] Artie won’t block. Artie won’t fight. Red Mask keeps swinging tonight. Hold up, Street Rats. Story pause. Taking your lumps is one thing. But making yourself a doormat? Different fucking thing. Anyway— Red Mask swings again. He says, “If bullets won’t kill you, I’ll beat you to death myself!” Then— [Children’s Choir] SMASH! [lead vocalist] Rabbit-man through my window! “There’s a goddamn door, asshole!!” Long ears. Rocket boots. Purple mallet. [refrain] Blood and glitter on the floor. Clown keeps laughing at the gore. Then the window crashes down. Glass is scattered all around. Tee-hee! Ha-ha! Tee—WAIT! THAT’S MY FUCKING MALLET! Tee-hee! Tee-hee! [spoken, rhythmic] That funny bunny boy— purple paint, pom-pom charms, pastel flair. Fine. I’ll allow it there. Then— [Children’s Choir] WHACK! [lead vocalist] Mallet meets Red Mask. Red Mask hits a chair. Chair goes sideways. Red Mask goes still. Oh, Jesus Christ— I’m thrilled ugh. More blood. Rabbit-man turns to Artie, still down on the tile. Rabbit-man holds out his hand. Then says— “Father.” … Whoa, whoa, whoa— story pause, Street Rats. Did he just say father?! [choir] Arthur has a son. [lead vocalist] Wait. Rabbit-man calls him Father. Artie’s gay. Did Artie fuck a rabbit? No. Nobody answer that. Actually—all of you. Which one of you knew? Hands up. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight— Seriously?! Half the fucking room?! You coupon-clipping criminals! nobody reported that to me?! Arthur has a son?! My street intelligence network is officially useless. Anyway— [refrain] Blood and glitter on the floor. Clown keeps laughing at the gore. Then the window crashes down. Glass is scattered all around. Red Mask lies limp by the chair. Blood keeps pooling everywhere. —Still my goddamned mallet. This ain’t a refrain. It’s an insurance claim. [spoken rhythmic: slower beat, music becomes sad, lament] Four grand. That window cost four grand. Next one’s mallet proof. Anyway— Rabbit Boy holds out his hand. He says— “Stand.” Artie looks up. Takes it. And he stands. Stars wake across his coat. The bruises fade. The blood dries. Artie pulls himself back together. Red Mask opens his eyes. spits blood —ew… Artie looks down. Then says— “Welcome home, Jared.” [musical turn: confusion, flustered stammering] I… uh… um… well— [Double time: MUSIC ROARS UP DOUBLE TIME — BRIGHT, MANIC, OVERCOMPENSATING] AND THEN EVERYBODY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER! Yep! Window fixed! Glitter gone! Nobody fought! Nobody died!!! Rabbit Boy proposed to me! I said no. Everybody ate! Happy garDon made bank!! And the Clown— TIPPED TWENTY PERCENT!!!! [choir] What!? [outro: sarcastic, annoyed] [harley] What?… Jessica, quit looking at me like that. Story time’s over. Who needs coupons?
