[Intro, Funky Bassline, Bathroom Sound Effects: Flushing, Squeaky Roll Holder] [Toilet Paper Narrator] "When you think your life’s a mess... Oh, honey, you’ve never been me! Let me spill the… you know!" [Verse 1, Funky Groove] I’m a roll on the wall, hanging by a thread, Every day I face the worst – yeah, it’s pure dread. They pull, they tear, they never say “Thanks,” Life’s a crappy carnival, spinning on these planks. [Pre-Chorus, Building Funky Drums, Wiping Sound Effects] You flush me out without a care, While I soak up all your dirty despair. POops! They did it again – tore me apart, It’s a shitty game, but I still play my part! [Chorus, Funky Horns, Cheeky Backing Vocals: “Sh-sh-sh-shit!”] When you think your life is shit, Look at me, I deal with it! Flush me, baby, one more time, I’m the hero of your bathroom grime. Yeah, when you think your life’s unfair, Just think of the roll who’s always there! [Verse 2, Bouncy Beat, Comedic Effects: Ripping Noises] They squeeze me tight in the grocery aisle, But my destiny’s far from worthwhile. Oh, you’re crying 'bout your Monday blues? Try being stuck cleaning someone’s caboose! [Verse 3, Funky Horns with Britney Spears Vibe, female clear voice] This dirty work is killing me (And I), I must confess, I still believe (Still believe). When I’m not on the roll, I lose my mind. Give me a sign, Wipe me, baby, one more time! [Bridge, Melodic Build-Up, Britney-Esque Breath Sounds, male voice] [Toilet Paper Narrator, Sultry Tone] "I clean the worst of you, every day, But does anyone care? No, they flush me away!" ( “Flush-flush, baby!”) "You think you’re toxic? Honey, that’s my life, Rolling through your drama and your bathroom strife!" [Chorus, Funky Horns Return, Backing Vocals: “POops!… They Did It Again!”] When you think your life is shit, Look at me, I deal with it! Flush me, baby, one more time, I’m the hero of your bathroom grime. Yeah, when you think your life’s unfair, Just think of the roll who’s always there! [Break, Funky Percussion, Comedic Fart-Like Effects, Dramatic Pause] [Toilet Paper Narrator, Spoken] "You complain about your troubles, your heartbreaks, your mess… Sweetheart, I’m literally in the pits of your success!" [Outro, Funky Groove with Fade Out, Sound Effects of Flushing and a Roll Spinning] [Toilet Paper Narrator, Singing] "So next time you feel down in the pits, Remember the roll who cleans your… shit." (“Flush-flush, baby!”) "POops! They did it again, tore me apart, But I’ll be back – ‘cause I’ve got the heart!" [Last Whisper, Fading Out] “Flush me, baby, one more time!”