[verse] Dear Ms Texty, (Dear Ms Texty) [verse] We are writing to address the astronomical cost of your most recent mobile phone bill. [bridge] Our systems indicate that you have sent a total of 1,374,982 texts this month, causing our servers to burst into flames on three (three) separate occasions. [break] [verse] We kindly suggest exploring alternative forms of communication, (Communication) such as smoke signals (smoking) or carrier pigeons, (flap flap) which may be more cost-effective for your needs. (bargain!) [break] [alt-verse] Yours digitally, Wilhelmina Wireless Chief Communication Officer, Chatter & Banter Telecom