[Verse 1] Riding the frontier North of the Border Required a certain breed of man The ones that they trusted to keep Law and Order Found a five-star meal inside of a can! "Mounted Mike" they called him - stalwart, brave and true! If I was to paint you a striking visual quote: Just imagine a rugged Texas Ranger... Who is stuffed inside a buffalo sized coat! [Chorus] Oh, the Mounted men of the great Northwest Police Were made from poured molten steel! If it wasn't a bootlegger out in the brush, It was a grizzly bear chewing at your heel They were known for their uncommon bravery... Announced just today - also responsible for one .. highly specific, world-changing deed! (short four chord instrumental break) … you'll know it when you hear it… [Verse 2] Daily life might start with a hot cup of coffee But first you had to chip out a block of solid ice! There wasn't much in the way of compensation Perks included building your own log cabin Standard issue: a tiny pillbox hat with thin leather boots It was the perfect gear to keep your brain-box froze - Guaranteed to bring a nasty case of frostbite Straight down to your law-enforcing toes! [Chorus] Oh, the Mounted men of the great Northwest Police Were made from poured molten steel! If it wasn't a bootlegger out in the brush, It was a grizzly bear chewing at your heel They were known for their uncommon bravery... Announced just today - also responsible for one .. highly specific, world-changing deed! (short four chord instrumental break) … you'll know it when you hear it… [Bridge] (Tempo slows down, mock-dramatic spoken-sung operetta style) Now, Mike hunted the notorious whiskey runner, Willie Rye Cornmash! How he bagged that whole gang, you'll want to know: Picture the campfire in the frozen air, outlaws are shivering, Covering their frozen ears from the wind and the snow! With no hands free to grab their handy rifles Mounted Mike had the Willie's covered - two hands to none! You see, his warming lobes were snuggled up in flaps, Just a double-sided blessing hanging from his hat! There was no name then, and no royalties have been paid But it came to worldwide fame: as the humble, fur-lined ...ear - muff! Now if you know the joy of a perfectly warm lobe, You probably live near the frozen poles of the globe! [Verse 3] (Upbeat, theatrical march rhythm returns) For what good is a lawman with frozen-stiff hearing? If the winter wolf calls, it means danger is nearing If you cannot hear it a creepin', you'll be busy just a sleepin' And the boys will find your bones by the spring of next year! Yes, a warm pair of ears kept this lawman alive, To ensure that peace and the prairies survive! [Outro] So tip your furry hats to old Mounted Mike! The hero of the frozen, wind-swept North! He brought order to Alberta, and law to Saskatchewan... The true prize was eternal warmth to the human earlobe!
