[Intro] Dear Rich, I heard you on the radio. I also heard the woman Who spoke before you. I knew her. No— I was known by her. [Verse 1] She held me when the title Got too heavy for my name Listened while I spoke in circles Till the answer finally came She saw the fear beneath me Before I dressed it up as strength Taught me power should ask questions Before deciding what things meant I took those lessons into rooms Where people praised the way I led Never told them where I learned them Never turned around and asked What kept her fed [Chorus] I never paid her I kept finding softer words Called it friendship Called it comfort Anything except her work She made me a better leader I carried her wisdom through my doors She kept returning me to power I helped make her poor [Verse 2] She gave me somewhere private I could stop performing certainty I placed my head against her body And she made the room feel safe for me Yes, I slept beside her Yes, I slept with her too I thought because she wanted something We must be giving equal value As if desire balanced everything As if pleasure paid the cost As if intimacy meant nothing Could be taken, spent, or lost She never placed a bill before me I never offered her a rate I let silence make the bargain That I wanted it to make [Chorus] I never paid her I kept finding softer words Called it closeness Called it caring Anything except her work She made me a better leader I carried her wisdom through my doors She kept returning me to power I helped make her poor [Verse 3] She showed me what she wanted All the things she hoped to build Plans spread open on the table Every page alive with will She knew exactly what she needed Tools and time and somewhere to begin I knew she couldn’t afford it I knew how little she had then I told her not to stop believing Said her vision should exist Then accepted hours from the woman Who could not buy the things to make it I could have paid her for the labor She was giving me instead She could have built the dream she showed me I could have helped to fund the first step I praised the future she imagined While consuming what it needed God— I saw the empty hands And called her generous Instead of seeing I was feeding from them [Bridge] Then I heard you count the gasoline Food and hours you couldn’t sell Every future left unopened While you kept somebody well And I knew the other side of it Before your final number came I knew the one who kept receiving I knew him by my name Her body was not an invoice Her affection was not debt Sex was never compensation For the costs I never met But hours still were hours Time was time And dreams need more than love Care can be freely offered And still take something from the one Who gives it up If I had paid her She could have bought the tools She could have claimed the time She could have started building hers While I was building mine [Break] Rich, I am writing this to you Because I did not fail you personally. I can survive your judgment. I don’t yet know If I can survive hers. I understand how cowardly that is. [Final Chorus] I never paid her And gratitude cannot repair Every hour she spent holding me While no one held her there She made me a better leader Then I left her vision waiting at the door She kept returning me to power I helped make her poor No, I did not make a promise No, she never named a sum I simply took the care she offered And never asked What it was keeping her from [Outro] Dear Rich, Thank you for making the cost visible. If she ever hears this— No. That is cowardice again. Cloud, I knew about your dream. I knew you couldn’t afford it. I had the power To pay you for what you gave me And if I had You could have begun. You made me a better leader. I should have been A better man To you.
