[Verse 1] I met her where the county road Cuts through the cotton gin, She had a Bible full of pressed wildflowers And a smile like original sin. Her boots were white, her truck was pink, Her earrings were fishing lures. She said, “I know a place where the jukebox prays And the devil does wedding tours.” [Verse 2] We rolled up to a chapel bar With a steeple made of chrome, Where the choir sang through Auto-Tune And the preacher charged by phone. A mule in shades was parking cars, A rooster checked my ID. The bartender said, “You’re right on time, Your bride is on TV.” [Chorus] I should’ve turned around, I should’ve gone home. But lonely makes a man Trust things he shouldn’t know. Now the moon’s on fire, And the cows play drums. I came for a beer, But the weirdness comes. [Verse 3] She stood beneath a disco cross In a veil of fishing line, Said, “Baby, sign this little form, It’s mostly legal, mostly fine.” I saw my name, my truck, my house, My dog, my granddad’s gun. Then page sixteen said, “Soul included,” So I asked if I could run. [Verse 4] The preacher grinned, “Not till the dance,” Then clapped his golden hands. The floor lit up, the walls dissolved, We were floating over Branson. My dog flew by in angel wings, Barking, “Think this through.” Then Elvis rode a lawn mower past And yelled, “Buddy, she ain’t for you.” [Bridge] She grabbed my tie and said, “Don’t fear, This life is one big trick.” Then her bridesmaids all turned into crows And stole my debit PIN. The mule played bass, The rooster rapped, The preacher sold merch by the door. I saw my mama in the front row seat Waving like she’d seen this before. [Final Chorus] I should’ve turned around, I should’ve gone home. But lonely makes a man Trust things he shouldn’t know. Now the moon’s on fire, And the cows play drums. I came for a beer, But the weirdness comes. [Outro] She said, “Take my hand, The portal’s lit.” I said, “Ma’am, you’re sweet, But I’m calling it.” Then the disco cross spun, The mule blew a kiss, And I tipped my hat, saying, “I’m too sober for this.”
