[Spoken Intro - Male Voice] Professor Pascal Newton, thanks for joining me. [Spoken Reply - Female Voice] Please, Tex - just call me Pascal. [Spoken - Male Voice] Then tell me why every cowboy I watch can break every law except the sheriffs. [Spoken Reply -Female Voice] Because the laws of physics never signed a studio contract. [Verse 1 - Male Solo] Can a cowboy leap from a boulder, Knock a rider clean from his horse, Twist in the air, land square in the saddle, And gallop away on his course? [Verse 1 Response - Female Solo] Not unless he has springs in his trousers, And a spine made of railroad ties; He might look heroic for half a second, Then spend six months learning to rise. [Chorus - Male and Female Duet] Oh, the laws don’t apply out West, Where a ten-foot fall is merely a test; They bend every rule, then ride off cool… Yes, the laws don’t apply out West. [Verse 2 - Male Solo] When the hero wallops a henchman, Why does that poor fellow take flight, Turn a somersault over the poker table, Then rise for another fight? [Verse 2 Response - Female Solo] That punch would need thrust like a cannon, And the outlaw would need a trampoline; With momentum enough for a mid-air tumble, There’d be nothing left fit for the screen. [Chorus - Male and Female Duet] Oh, the laws don’t apply out West, Where a ten-foot fall is merely a test; They bend every rule, then ride off cool.. Yes, the laws don’t apply out West. [Verse 3 - Male Solo] Can a hero jump on a stagecoach, From a rooftop two storeys high? Then land by the driver and take up the reins, Without even loosening his tie? [Verse 3 Response - Female Solo] He would bounce from the seat like a horseshoe, Then introduce all his teeth to the trail; Unless his long johns conceal a parachute, That landing is certain to fail. [Chorus - Male and Female Duet] Oh, the laws don’t apply out West, Where a ten-foot fall is merely a test; They bend every rule, then ride off cool… Yes, the laws don’t apply out West. [Bridge -Male Solo] Then how did they rear up the horses, Make the gunfights and high falls look grand? This all came before digital wizards Could erase every cable and hand. [Bridge Response -Female Solo] With springboards, soft dirt and good timing, Hidden ramps and a well-padded seat; And stunt folks whose courage was greater Than their fondness for staying in one piece. [Final Chorus - Male and Female Duet] Oh, the laws don’t apply out West, Where the wildest lie always photographs best; With a crash and a bang, they ride with the gang… For the laws don’t apply out West. [Spoken Outro - Male Voice] So none of it was real? [Spoken Reply - Female Voice] The bruises were. [Spoken - Male Voice] Thank you, Professor. [Spoken Reply - Female Voice] I told you - call me Pascal. [Spoken - Male Voice] After that explanation, let’s put the laws in motion.
