[VERSE 1] Well I was sittin’ on the couch, armor clankin’ with my beer Watchin’ knight duels, scratchin’ at my rear Then she waltzed into the room with her apron tied in rope Said, “Sweetie, we’re all outta dish soap.” [VERSE 2] My eye twitched twice, my soul did groan I muttered like a cursed gravestone “You think I can just waltz to the store? It’s a Level Twelve quest… maybe more!” [PRE-CHORUS] Gotta find fairy doors and pristine beetle shells But the shells are all cracked up to dungeon hell! And them fairies packed up, left no doors behind Now I’m soapless and losing my mind! [CHORUS] It’s the Quest for the Dish Soap, I’m battlin’ grime Riskin’ my life for that citrus shine A hero of the kitchen, with suds on my blade In a world where fairy doors just won’t get made Yeah, I’d fight a zombie or wrestle a troll Just to scrub one plate and save my soul [VERSE 3] Last time I tried, the shopkeep said “Fetch me goblin poems, or shop elsewhere instead.” So I slayed, I rhymed, I fought and cried For a bottle marked ‘Lemon-Dragon Glide’ [PRE-CHORUS] Now my wife just sighs, wipes her hands on her dress Says, “Maybe we’ll just live in a crusty mess.” But I swore on my gauntlet, I’d find that soap, Even if I have to slay the Ogre pope. [CHORUS] It’s the Quest for the Dish Soap, I ride at dawn With a sponge in my scabbard and my armor on For the honor of cleanliness and fragrant plates I ride through peril and hades gates. Yeah, my soul may break, my steel may bend But I’ll bring back soap or meet my end! [VERSE 4] But before I could leave, a knock shook the door ’Twas a druid in Crocs with a bag full of lore He said, “I got potions, elixirs, and goo, But one little bottle will change life for you…” [BRIDGE] [Spoken] Behold! The sacred Suds of Purity… Forged in the sacred sink of Sudalon… No beetle shells! No fairy doors! No bullshit! [FINAL CHORUS] No more Quest for the Dish Soap, I found the cure From a druid who sells potions door-to-door Mysti-Clean, now bless this house Even the gremlins cleaned their mouths! Now my tankards gleam and my forks don’t smell Praise be to the bottle that came from spell!