Muffet No Frightened Little Miss

Little Miss Muffet [Intro] You know the rhyme You know what they say Little Miss Muffet Got frightened away That's a sweet little story It ain't what happened. [Verse 1] Little Miss Muffet sat on The Tuffet Down at the Curds & Whey Whiskey and Baileys, cheese curds daily That's how she starts her day Pretty as sin with a dangerous grin Legs crossed, taking her time The boys kept quiet, nobody tried it Everybody knew that seat was hers [Pre-Chorus] Then the front door opened Whole room went still Somebody whispered— "Spider." [Chorus] Along came Spider Sat down beside her Sweating through his Sunday best Little Miss Muffet Just smiled and said, "Love it— You finally came to confess" She took one sip Let the silence sit Then looked him dead in the eye "Spider, baby... Collections are down." Again. [Verse 2] Spider said, "Muffet, business is rough Folks ain't got what they owe Old man on the corner needed one more week So I figured I'd let him go" Muffet said, "Darlin', that's awfully sweet But sweet ain't why you're paid I don't send you out to make new friends I send you out to persuade" [Pre-Chorus] "Thumbs still bending?" Spider said, "Mostly." "Knees still working?" Spider said, "Well..." Muffet took another curd Didn't say a word Spider swallowed hard— "I see your point." [Chorus] Along came Spider Sat down beside her But Spider was scared that day Little Miss Muffet Wasn't frightened by nothing That's not why she went away She took one sip Let the silence sit Then looked him dead in the eye "Spider, baby... Next week, bring me my money." "Yes, ma'am." [Bridge] Now you've probably heard That a terrible spider Frightened poor Muffet away But stories get twisted And details go missing When people got something to say Spider didn't chase her Spider didn't scare her Spider barely moved from his chair Muffet checked the clock Then calmly got up Like she hadn't a worry or care [Breakdown] Whiskey Baileys Cheese curds too Whiskey Baileys— Ooh... That'll do what it'll do. [Spoken] "Gentlemen... If you'll excuse me. It's time for my morning constitutional." [Final Chorus] Along came Spider Sat down beside her And Little Miss Muffet went away That's what they saw That's what they wrote That's how they tell it today But Spider knew And the whole gang too Who frightened who that day Little Miss Muffet Got up from The Tuffet And calmly walked away [Outro] "Spider." "Yes, Miss Muffet?" "Next week..." "Yes, Miss Muffet?" "Bring me my money." "Yes, Miss Muffet." "And Spider?" "...Yes, Miss Muffet?" "Those thumbs... are made for breaking."