Copyright © Hollow Green https://suno.com/@hollowgreen Thank you for listening and for the comments! ---------------------------------- THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING Verse 1 Kings Cross Police in the early days, the young guns hit the street, Chasing every arrest stat, trying hard to compete. Most were burned out fast enough before they'd learned the score, But Senior Constable Tim Turello knew the game, he'd seen it all before. They called him lazy on the team, Said he never pulled his weight, "Your stats are worst upon the shift!" The Commander wouldn't wait. "Lift your numbers, Tim," he said, Or words to that effect, So Tim found one reliable arrest He knew he could collect. Now Charlton McBrae was homeless, With bail not to enter the Cross, Every day they'd lock him up, Every day he'd wander across. Six weeks later Tim was first, His arrest stats led the way, Because every single morning He arrested Charlton McBrae. Chorus Charlton McBrae, Counted every day, The gift that keeps on giving, To productivity. Charlton McBrae, Counted every day, Arrested every morning, Then released the same old way. Verse 2 Christmas Eve came rolling round, Tim grinned and stretched his back, "Let's get today's arrest stat done, Then we can all relax." Across the road beneath his tree Sat Charlton drinking fine, For someone had bought him Christmas cheer— A bottle of cherry wine. Tim took one look and shook his head, "Mate, that's gotta go." As the brandy soaked into the grass, Charlton watched it flow. Chorus Charlton McBrae, Counted every day, The gift that keeps on giving, To productivity. Verse 3 The courts were shut for Christmas, The remand cells were too, So Parramatta Correctional Was what we'd have to do. But Parramatta had one rule: No drunks inside that gate, And Charlton was so drunk that day He could barely stand up straight. Tim leaned against the holding cell And spoke in gentle tones, "They've got a Christmas dinner there, With turkey on the bones. Christmas pudding afterwards, All the trimmings too..." Charlton's eyes lit up like fireworks, He knew just what to do. Bridge At Parramatta Charlton lay Face down upon the floor, Snoring in the truck tray Louder than before. "Wake up mate," Tim whispered, "Think of Christmas dinner." Charlton blinked and sat upright, Suddenly a winner. "What's your name?" "Charlton McBrae." "Have you had any alcohol today?" A pause... A long pause... "Never touch the stuff." Verse 4 The officer shrugged and waved him through, "Right then, he's okay." The roller door was halfway up, We were already on our way. Out of Parramatta like bats from hell, Tim nearly cried with glee, "I can't believe they took him, mate, He's absolutely rat-faced!" Then laughing all the way back home, Tim explained the drill, "The beauty of these breach jobs, mate, There's no brief to fill. No statements and no follow-up, No court prep to get through, Just another arrest stat, mate, And Charlton sees it through." Final Chorus Charlton McBrae, Counted every day, The gift that keeps on giving, To productivity. Charlton McBrae, Counted every day, Arrested every morning, Then released the same old way. Outro Back at work the Commander smiled, "Tim, you've turned it round! Highest arrest stats on the team— The best that I've yet found!" Round of applause around the room, Tim never missed a beat, While Charlton sat beneath his tree, Waiting for the next repeat. Charlton McBrae... Counted every day... The system got exactly what it measured.
