How can you look at me and smile? I can't ask you for another leap of faith You've been suffering for such a long while The memories I ignored came rushing back I've dragged you in the dirt, mile after mile You've always held the choice, always stayed You've spat in the face of happiness And stayed the course with a monster A monster blind to the hurt he caused Blind by choice, not by fate Each day heavier than the last Each step taken, pulled down by the past You deserve everything I didn't give to you You need what I couldn't provide I can see it in your distant gaze That when you're with me, you don't feel alive I'm to blame The realization hit me, With the fucking shame I used to hide behind my addictions Saying, "It's not me, it's not what I really meant" Why did I never listen? Why did I know what to say to hurt the most? Why did I say all those hurtful things? I wouldn't believe me either Is that how i love? With relentless verbal shoves? How can I recover, how can we face this What even is worth the salvage You deserve everything I didn't give you You need what I couldn't provide I can see it in your distant gaze That when you're with me, you don't feel alive Who can push on with a core this rotten I hate knowing you woke from a dream To a nightmare, I am the demon who terrorizes The innocent and perpetuates flourishing sadness I hope you find the happiness I never did provide Thinking it was fine, thinking we were good We've stopped at so many crossroads I fear this is finally a dead end Have we hit our dead end!? You deserve everything I didn't give to you You need what I couldn't provide I can see it in your distant gaze That when you're with me, you don't feel alive
