[Intro] At Phantomhive Manor, beneath a respectable clock, Sebastian polished silver and inspected the stock. Young Ciel said, “The business party starts at eight, Bring KFC chicken, and do try not to be late.” [Verse 1] Tanaka poured tea with a quiet little laugh, Finny carried potatoes in a wheelbarrow path. Bardroy struck a match and announced, “I can cook!” Sebastian gently removed the flame from his hook. Mey-Rin dropped flour on the Persian rug, Undertaker arrived with a coffin-shaped jug. Grell flashed a grin, red hair bright as a sign, And asked if the gravy could please be divine. [Pre-Chorus] The ledger was balanced, the guests were arrayed, But one tiny problem had not been conveyed: A bucket of chicken, from Kentucky’s fame, Had somehow appeared in a Victorian game. [Verse 2] Ciel stared at the label and narrowed one eye, “Explain this,” he ordered. “It fell from the sky?” Sebastian bowed smoothly, serene as a choir, “I am merely one hell of a fryer.” He seasoned the pieces with dignified grace, While Bardroy put the saucepan too close to his face. The oil gave a splutter, the kitchen went white, And Finny mistook the smoke for a snowball fight. [Verse 3] Claude Faustus appeared with a merciless stare, Saying, “Your preparation is terribly bare.” Alois sent a napkin sailing at Ciel, Who caught it and muttered, “This party is hell.” Grell cried, “Sebastian, you beautiful fool, You cannot deep-fry chicken in a ceremonial pool!” The Undertaker chuckled, “What marvelous flair— A funeral feast with a poultry affair.” [Bridge] A bell rang sharply; the guests filled the hall, The Queen’s own secretary had come for it all. Elizabeth squealed, “It’s adorable, see? The chicken is wearing a tiny top hat for me!” Ciel tasted one piece, then paused in dismay, It was crisp on the outside and charcoal halfway. Sebastian stood proudly beside the fryer, While smoke curled upward like a cathedral spire. [Verse 4] Bardroy confessed that he’d altered the heat, Finny admitted he’d dropped six in the wheat. Mey-Rin revealed, with a nervous ballet, She’d used gunpowder instead of bouquet. Tanaka said, “Ho ho,” and sipped his green tea, As Lau sold spare drumsticks from under the tree. Ronald Knox checked his watch, then sharpened his grin, “Overtime for disasters? I’m definitely in.” [Verse 5] The business guests applauded the thunderous crash, Mistaking the kitchen explosion for flash. Ciel raised his glass with a noble grimace, “To Phantomhive catering: never do this twice.” Sebastian served buckets with courtly regard, Each piece either perfect or frankly too hard. He whispered to Ciel, “Despite all the satire, The contract is signed—and we’ve conquered the fryer.” [Outro] So remember this tale when your banquet plans tire: Trust not a demon with a vat full of fire. For history shuddered, then scribbled with rancor: “This is an anachronism.” And someone yelled, “KFC!” from the manor’s grand anchor.
