D.A.R.E.

The Mighty Dangle

The Can’t Rap Kid

The Mighty Dangle

lo-fi boom bap, underground hip-hop, cinematic vintage instrumental, jazz-tinged

+ Show full styles

[Beat Drops – Heavy, playful, slightly cartoonish]

[Verse 1: Officer Chad’s voice (lower male vocals)]
“Alright kids, sit tight, welcome to my final function.,
DARE sent me to talk about drugs and corruption
But I’m retired and the program defunded as of today,
So my ass isn’t held accountable for what I say

The war on drugs is lost even the government couldn’t stop em
And marijuana will  be legal, smoke him if he got em!

[A younger voice]
“But my parents always said that marijuana is bad for you!”

[Officer Chad’s voice retorts (lower voice)]
Then they’re dumb or They’re high if they really think that’s true.

Now listen up kids, let me break it down for you,
Weeds not dangerous, that shit’s fake news.
They said it makes you a violent, menace to society,
Reefer Madness was propaganda for white anxiety.

They blamed the immigrants, stoked fear and xenophobia,
Kill free love, build an authoritarian Utopia
Hemp could’ve ruined the corporate cash flow,
So industries lobbied to keep their bought judges in tow

Government goals aligned so they just let it
Nixon criminalized it to keep his foes indebted.
Cops and courts, all lined up for compliance,
The system’s a joke, kids, it’s  an evil alliance.”

[Hook – Sung- female vocals]
“See kids? Drugs are really enjoyable,
But they’re illegal ’cause they make you unemployable!
But even though Drugs are really enjoyable,
Don’t get caught, if you’re poor your future is destroyable!
But if you’re rich doing drugs makes dollars and sense!
Just ask most of our most recent presidents!
Drugs are enjoyable! Try em and see!
But you didn’t hear it from me!

[Verse 2 – Officer Chad]
So kids, you think addiction starts with a bong or a blunt?
No stupid! most addicts got scripts from a clinic, upfront.
The opioids they hand you are like candy outta hell,
And as long as you’re on them, you’ll always feel swell.

But if your HMO cuts you off or if you’re out of cash
You’re addicted and desperate, and out on your ass!
See prescriptions are expensive, but fentanyl’s   cheap!
And if it doesn’t just kill you, it will always help you sleep!

And I mean, you can really sleep just anywhere! 
In the winter, on the sidewalk  in your underwear
Just make sure you don’t get caught by cops though when you sleep
They’ll take your drugs, your money, then kick you on the streets

[a younger voice]
“But addicts are sick ! That’s what we were taught!”

[Officer Chad’s voice retorts]
They’re sick if they pay a rehab but criminals if  caught!
You see, if any drugs dangerous, then Fentanyl is it
But we’re more concerned about writing your ass tickets!

Look let me spell it out. Everyone is lying to you
Cops lie, teachers lie and Santa’s a lie too!
It’s not about what’s right or wrong, it’s sad, but it’s true
So if you wanna deal drugs change your name to Purdue

[Verse 3 - Officer Chad]
“Alright kids, let’s wrap it up with the trippy truth!
Some hallucinogens could help vets heal and recoup!
Stop suicide, heal trauma, help their minds restore ,
But nah, they’re illegal! We can’t study ‘em on our shores!

You gotta hop the border and go down south just to get a hit,
But here you get an expensive pill that just might not fit.
Schedule One! Yep! That’s the magic label they chose,
So we block the science while big pharma’s profits grow!

So kids, here’s the lesson your teachers won’t teach,
Some drugs save lives, but rules put ‘em out of reach.
Well, time to get drunk! and I have one last thing to tell
You don’t have to be high to live here but it sure fuckin’ helps….

[Hook - Sung - female vocals]
“See kids? Drugs are really enjoyable,
But they’re illegal ’cause they make you unemployable!
But even though Drugs are really enjoyable,
Don’t get caught, if you’re poor your future is destroyable!
But if you’re rich doing drugs makes dollars and sense!
Just ask most of our most recent presidents!
Drugs are enjoyable! Try em and see!
But if you’re caught, remember, you didn’t hear from me.

4604/7500

[Spoken Intro - teachers, female voice] “Class, settle down! Today, we have a very special guest. Please welcome… Officer Chad McMuffinfluffer. He’s here for the world’s final DARE school presenttation. Remember to pay attention, kids…” [Beat Drops – Heavy, playful, slightly cartoonish] [Verse 1: Officer Chad’s voice (lower male vocals)] “Alright kids, sit tight, welcome to my final function., DARE sent me to talk about drugs and corruption But I’m retired and the program defunded as of today, So my ass isn’t held accountable for what I say The war on drugs is lost even the government couldn’t stop em And marijuana will be legal, smoke him if he got em! [A younger voice] “But my parents always said that marijuana is bad for you!” [Officer Chad’s voice retorts (lower voice)] Then they’re dumb or They’re high if they really think that’s true. Now listen up kids, let me break it down for you, Weeds not dangerous, that shit’s fake news. They said it makes you a violent, menace to society, Reefer Madness was propaganda for white anxiety. They blamed the immigrants, stoked fear and xenophobia, Kill free love, build an authoritarian Utopia Hemp could’ve ruined the corporate cash flow, So industries lobbied to keep their bought judges in tow Government goals aligned so they just let it Nixon criminalized it to keep his foes indebted. Cops and courts, all lined up for compliance, The system’s a joke, kids, it’s an evil alliance.” [Hook – Sung- female vocals] “See kids? Drugs are really enjoyable, But they’re illegal ’cause they make you unemployable! But even though Drugs are really enjoyable, Don’t get caught, if you’re poor your future is destroyable! But if you’re rich doing drugs makes dollars and sense! Just ask most of our most recent presidents! Drugs are enjoyable! Try em and see! But you didn’t hear it from me! [Verse 2 – Officer Chad] So kids, you think addiction starts with a bong or a blunt? No stupid! most addicts got scripts from a clinic, upfront. The opioids they hand you are like candy outta hell, And as long as you’re on them, you’ll always feel swell. But if your HMO cuts you off or if you’re out of cash You’re addicted and desperate, and out on your ass! See prescriptions are expensive, but fentanyl’s cheap! And if it doesn’t just kill you, it will always help you sleep! And I mean, you can really sleep just anywhere! In the winter, on the sidewalk in your underwear Just make sure you don’t get caught by cops though when you sleep They’ll take your drugs, your money, then kick you on the streets [a younger voice] “But addicts are sick ! That’s what we were taught!” [Officer Chad’s voice retorts] They’re sick if they pay a rehab but criminals if caught! You see, if any drugs dangerous, then Fentanyl is it But we’re more concerned about writing your ass tickets! Look let me spell it out. Everyone is lying to you Cops lie, teachers lie and Santa’s a lie too! It’s not about what’s right or wrong, it’s sad, but it’s true So if you wanna deal drugs change your name to Purdue [Hook – Sung- female vocals] “See kids? Drugs are really enjoyable, But they’re illegal ’cause they make you unemployable! But even though Drugs are really enjoyable, Don’t get caught, if you’re poor your future is destroyable! But if you’re rich doing drugs makes dollars and sense! Just ask most of our most recent presidents! Drugs are enjoyable! Try em and see! But you didn’t hear it from me! [Verse 3 - Officer Chad] “Alright kids, let’s wrap it up with the trippy truth! Some hallucinogens could help vets heal and recoup! Stop suicide, heal trauma, help their minds restore , But nah, they’re illegal! We can’t study ‘em on our shores! You gotta hop the border and go down south just to get a hit, But here you get an expensive pill that just might not fit. Schedule One! Yep! That’s the magic label they chose, So we block the science while big pharma’s profits grow! So kids, here’s the lesson your teachers won’t teach, Some drugs save lives, but rules put ‘em out of reach. Well, time to get drunk! and I have one last thing to tell You don’t have to be high to live here but it sure fuckin’ helps…. [Hook - Sung - female vocals] “See kids? Drugs are really enjoyable, But they’re illegal ’cause they make you unemployable! But even though Drugs are really enjoyable, Don’t get caught, if you’re poor your future is destroyable! But if you’re rich doing drugs makes dollars and sense! Just ask most of our most recent presidents! Drugs are enjoyable! Try em and see! But if you’re caught, remember, you didn’t hear from me.

0/500