I let it flow free, try to turn thoughts into lead ‘cause if I don’t they freeze up, locked away in my head they isolate, build walls out of quiet and rage keep growing in the dark till I can’t stand the noise they make then I become the living image of death in the mirror the kind you try to prevent with a cure, getting clearer prevention over damage, that’s what the ads always said wait— I’m thinking backwards again, gotta reset my head a bit of order wouldn’t hurt, I need structure, a frame a grid, a matrix, or nothing here stays the same maybe a plan instead of this chaos and haze so step one is a plan for the plan I’m gon’ make ‘cause even real love collapses if the start goes wrong so maybe no headline, just let the thought stay long or I crack my skull open, take what’s left in the wreck nah that’s blood on the floor, I reject that effect I close my eyes, first dive, mental ocean I ride surfing waves in my mind, let the current decide maybe I reach the source today, the core of it all where the signal gets born before it turns into a call the central pin of the system, mother of this display building everything underneath that gets stacked on the way the one they call guilty though it never stepped in never stopped any of it, just watched it begin ground zero, epizentrum, reason in disguise pilot, boss, boardroom voice behind all the lies it’s always inside, never sitting outside careful—my skull burns bright like northern lights in the night I launch into orbit, no fear, full control I was almost there but I drifted off-road then I circle back to the middle again where the beat is born and everything begins the switchboard, the source of every on and off state the root of all things we call fate the origin point every question returns to the hidden murder motive nobody can prove behind every order, ahead of all time the opposite of cleanup, the source of the crime the big bang effect, the thing of all things the only true voice that everything sings the seed of Columbus, the vault of the clue proof against “nothing caused anything too” navel of void, noble of absence spark of the disaster, invisible presence light in the core, foundation I lean on the reason I bleed on, the thought I redeem on cause and solution, the answer I seek root of the control where the system peaks home of the soil, the center of role deepest intention, the mind of the whole galaxy’s head, secret tactic in motion first event ever, holy devotion first link in the chain, universal pill place without “should’ve,” just pure will beginning of distance, the start of the line the flame in the heart that’s been burning in time the sealed-off file, the lock and the key the what, the why, the “how can this be?” genesis moment, the one single place where everything similar shares the same face source of all trouble, the hidden command house behind hills no one understands first and the last, the origin thread the motor, the message, the thing that is said the hub of rotation, the cow of the yogurt the map on the wall of the mental disorder background, foundation, hidden behind the silent disturbance that rewires the mind start of the breath, expectation in rage the first consultation that sets up the stage the ladder of knowing, the reason, the why revelation that opens the inner eye camp at the base where the lava sleeps nirvana that drips through the cracks and the seams ticket, addiction, the signal, the urge first warning sign of the rising surge source of disease and emergency code every lock ever built on a blood-written road the smallest wisdom, the fraction of free the lie of “no cause” in what used to be president, judge, experiment seed the one who decides what the system will read fate and forewarning, sin and design history breathing through one single line the start of the story, the weight of the night the breakfast of judgment, too fast in the light the exit, the breakdown, the “just let it go” the engine behind every high and low and I’m still trying to find that one central thing the origin point of everything but every time I get close it just shifts out of frame like the center itself doesn’t want to be named
