[Verse 1 - peppy acoustic guitar intro, heavily swung rhythm] The motorized mobility was utterly incapacitated, Leaving Peter’s nautical ambitions quite devastated. A transatlantic cruise awaiting out in Hampshire's naval port, But Pete was stuck in Bodmin with his travel falling short. Up stepped Mayor Mike Barbery, a paragon of chivalry, Dispensing with the protocol and standard town civility. He shouted, "Climb aboard my back, I’ll be your trusty steed! A Cornish piggyback is precisely what you need!" [Chorus - upbeat brass stabs, catchy folk-hop hook] He’s the Bodmin beast of burden on a yomp across the shire, With a Deputy Mayor upon his back, his calf muscles on fire. (Heave ho!) Two hundred miles to go! (Giddy up!) The traffic on the A-thirty is wonderfully slow. [Verse 2 - rapid-fire nimble flow, deeply syncopated bass] They crossed the river Tamar with a wobble and a stumble, While Peter scrutinized the ride and had a little grumble. "Your suspension's rather lacking, Mike, my lumbar region aches, And kindly trot to Greggs, I need some pastry-oriented bakes!" Mike was sweating buckets, navigating over Dartmoor, Dodging sheep and ponies in a veritable art-form. Pete adjusted his cravat and said, "A tad more to the right, We must arrive in Portsmouth by the fading of the light." [Chorus 2 - added tambourine, escalating tempo] He’s the Bodmin beast of burden on a yomp across the shire, With a Deputy Mayor demanding snacks, his patience growing dire. (Heave ho!) Just eighty miles to go! (Mush, you fool!) Navigating roundabouts with an elegant flow. [Verse 3 - double-time rap, tight crisp delivery, fast acoustic strumming] Down the A-three-o-three they marched, past ancient monolithic stones, With Mike producing quite a symphony of aggravated groans. "I'm developing a hernia, my vertebrae are grinding!" Pete replied, "Stop whining, Michael, look at what we're finding! The Spinnaker is visible, the Solent's in our vision, I thoroughly commend your most spectacular decision!" [beat drop - sudden silence] [Resume - heavy panting over a single slow bass thump] They boarded at the terminal, completely out of breath, Mike had dodged a coronary and narrowly dodged death. [Outro - slowing down, single acoustic strum] Pete sailed off to Lisbon with a cocktail in his grip, While Mike required an ambulance and a brand new hip. (Cheers, Mike!) [End]
