JUST TURN ON [Intro] Okay. New power supply. Seven-fifty watt. Plenty of headroom. Plug it in. Nothing. Cool. Good start. [Verse 1] Twenty-four pin seated, heard the little click CPU power plugged, yeah, I checked that shit Graphics card straight, RAM pushed down Keyboard got lights but the fans don't sound Okay, that's weird Maybe it's the switch Follow two little wires through a technological ditch PWR plus, PWR minus Apparently polarity doesn't matter— Then why'd you PRINT IT LIKE THAT?! [Pre-Chorus] Get a screwdriver Touch these two Just for half a second That's what buttons do Touch 'em— Nothing. Touch 'em— Nothing. Third time just in case the motherboard Needed encouragement or something. [Chorus] JUST TURN ON I don't need RGB I don't need Wi-Fi I don't need seventeen phases Of military-grade supply JUST TURN ON Spin a fan Make a beep Give me literally anything You expensive little piece of— Technology. [Verse 2] Alright, motherboard's probably dead Fine, buy another one instead Simple enough, I know what I need— AM4. Cool. What's B450? "It's a chipset." Okay. So B450. "No, which B450?" ... Excuse me? B450M DS3H B450M DS3H WiFi B450 AORUS PRO B450 Tomahawk MAX II B450M PRO-VDH MAX— STOP ADDING WORDS. [Pre-Chorus] What's the socket? AM4. What's the chipset? B450. What's the board? Depends. What's the revision? Depends. What's the BIOS? Depends. Will my CPU work? Depends. DOES ANYTHING IN THIS INDUSTRY HAVE ONE FUCKING NAME? [Chorus] JUST TURN ON I got DDR4 PCIe NVMe A 3060 Ti staring back at me JUST TURN ON I don't care Who's Pro Who's MAX Who's Ultra Durable Apparently "Ultra Durable" Doesn't include THE ABILITY TO WAKE UP. [Verse 3] Marketplace, eleven at night Man selling hardware photographed in terrible light "Used one month." Sure. "Worked when pulled." Beautiful. "No antennas." Why are the antennas always fucking missing? Forty-dollar Gigabyte, new in box Okay now we're cooking, put that one on watch Then somebody posts an X99 With an i7 from twenty-fourteen like— "Gaming beast." Sir. That CPU remembers Vine. [Breakdown] Then somebody says: "You need an AM4 B450M DS3H V2 Rev 1.x unless it's a B450M DS3H WiFi Rev 1.5 with BIOS F-whatever." ... I asked if it would fit. [Beat Stops] "Yes." THANK YOU. [Verse 4] But wait— Your Ryzen's supported! Hell yeah. "With BIOS F62 or later." Fine, I'll update it. "You may need a compatible CPU." I HAVE A CPU. "That CPU may require the update." So I update it. "Using a compatible CPU." ... The compatible CPU that I need to update the motherboard so it becomes compatible with the CPU I ALREADY FUCKING HAVE? [Bridge] Somewhere there's an engineer Who knows exactly what this means He's drinking coffee peacefully While I'm interrogating machines I've removed the GPU I've reseated all the RAM I've stared directly at a CR2032 Like— Are YOU involved in this? Little silver battery said: Don't bring me into your shit, man. [Final Chorus] JUST TURN ON No benchmark No overclock No twelve-core existential thought JUST TURN ON One fan twitch One little light I'll apologize for everything If you POST tonight JUST TURN ON I've got the watts I've got the parts I've got a master's degree From Facebook Marketplace University of the Arts JUST TURN ON AM4 B450 DS3H V2 REV ONE POINT— NO. No more letters. No more numbers. No more revisions. [Outro] Tomorrow I'm buying the forty-dollar board. If that doesn't work... ... We're building a fucking typewriter.
