Welcome aboard... By the hatter

Are you my Hare…? Ahh—no… my Alice? No. Never mind that. Let’s get you all tucked in. Heh… they always flinch at that part. Orientation, dear… don’t look scared. Oh, you thought Old Skool was a style… or an idea? No. It’s a literal old school—for the different, the unusual, the insane, and obscene. Welcome to Arkan, bitch. Class is now in session. We teach unlearning here. We grade on screams, not curves. Every test’s a mirror—every mirror lies. Your syllabus: survive the semester… and thrive in it. You hear that bell? That’s attention, presence, discipline. We’re family here—just not the leaving kind. Color outside the lines… imagination required… consequences optional. Dreams… scream louder now… attendance mandatory. We are the faculty! We are the curriculum! We are the ones who fail the sane! Welcome aboard… In the back, you’ll find both quiet rooms and padded cells. In the supply cabinet, we’ve stocked straightjackets, bite guards, coloring books, and complimentary sedatives. Let me know if your door should lock from the inside or the outside. We’ll be watching… always watching. Doors locked? Or unlocked? Either way, they find a way in… ha ha ha ha But above all—Have… Fun…