[Intro] (Brisk acoustic strumming and upbeat piano) [Verse 1] If you ever think of going to the hospital, well, honey, don't you bother I do my therapy at home, it's safer for your mother and your father 'Cause you walk into the ward and everybody slurs and pops and whistles Confessing to their sins while sitting on a bed of thistles They're laying all the baggies out across the waiting room Setting up the patients for a specialized doom [Chorus] (Head up!) For that sweet, sweet trankq dope, perfectly premixed (Head down!) With a woman saying "Damn," getting all her problems fixed He's standing in the corner looking like a murderer tonight And this is just the ER under fluorescent light [Verse 2] He’s a pick-up artist expert, a serial killer of the ward Bragging to the lobby while he's striking out a chord Saying over and over as he fills another cup "When the bitches bend down, well, they never get back up" And some nurse is standing by, just nodding at the scene Saying, "Yeah, I don't do that, but they would, if you know what I mean." [Chorus] (Head up!) For that sweet, sweet trankq dope, perfectly premixed (Head down!) With a woman saying "Damn," getting all her problems fixed He's standing in the corner looking like a murderer tonight And this is just the ER under fluorescent light [Bridge] I'm looking at the nurse and I give a little *snap* He just looks at me and goes "Yeah," tipping back his cap That's a crazy thing to hear while you're waiting for a bed Six actual homicides just hanging by a thread I came in for a checkup and a little bit of care Now I'm witness to a serial confession in a chair [Guitar and Piano Solo] (Rollicking folk solo, very lively) [Final Chorus] (Head up!) For that sweet, sweet trankq dope, perfectly premixed (Head down!) With a woman saying "Damn," getting all her problems fixed He's standing in the corner looking like a murderer tonight And this is just the ER under fluorescent light [Outro] Yeah, six actual homicides... Man, this is an ER. I think I'll just do my therapy at home. (Final strum, let ring)
