[Intro] [Gravelly, Proper Male Announcer] Thorin, And Company. Dwallin Bahllin, Killi, Filli, Dori, Norri, AND, Orri Owen Sir And Glowen Sir Call him, Biffa, and Him Bahffah... [Larger unique voice] And uh, Bombor, at your Service [Gang Vocals] We are ALL at your Service! [Chorus] [Gang Vocals] Chip the glasses, crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates, So carefully, carefully with the plates! [Verse] Pack the pans and hide the spoons, Wanderers bring their noisy tunes, Boots that stomp on tidy floors, Drafts that creep through hobbit doors. Every knock at supper time Throws my schedule out of rhyme — I'm about to bristle, my calm erased, Order lost and my comfort chafed! [Chorus] [Gang Vocals] Blunt the knives and bend the forks! Smash the bottles, burn the corks! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates, So carefully, carefully with the plates! [Verse] Muddy prints on polished tiles, Stories spun in reckless styles, Maps unfolded on my chair, Smoke that curls and tinges air. Teacups rattled out of place, Papers shuffled in a race — I'm out of biscuits, my patience thin, Chaos clawing beneath skin! [Chorus] [Gang Vocals] Cut the cloth and tread on the fat! Pour the milk on the pantry floor! Leave the bones on the bedroom mat! Splash the wine on every door! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! So carefully, carefully with the plates! [Bridge] How dare they insinuate that I would do a poor job about it!? My hearth is shaking from their noise — I’m near to shout about it. Spit and Confustication, every shelf and corner jarred, Confusticated Dwarves, they make a simple evening hard. My temper’s tugged from every side, my order stripped away, My patience worn to threads and I barely know which a way — I'd love to shove them out my door… And bid them all, Good Day! I Said GOOD DAY! [Chorus] [Gang Vocals] Chip the glasses and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! Blunt the knives and bend the forks! Smash the bottles and burn the corks! Cut the cloth and tread on the fat! Pour the milk on the pantry floor! Leave the bones on the bedroom mat! Splash the wine on every door! [Outro] [Gang Vocals] That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! Oh, That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! Yes, That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! SO, Carefully! Carefully! with, the, Plates!
