HONEY, YOU CAN HAVE HIM- Americana Speedrun

[Intro — sweet acoustic guitar + fiddle] Well, I heard you’ve been flirting with my man… Bless your heart. [Verse 1] I saw you smiling at the Texaco, While he leaned against his Chevrolet, Red lips shining, hair all perfect, Looking like you planned to steal him away. You think he’s tall, dark, and mysterious, Girl, I thought the same thing too— Till I learned “mysterious” means He forgot what I just asked him to do. [Chorus] Oh honey, you can have him, Take the boots and take the hat. Take the thirty fishing poles He swears he needs out back. Take his truck, take his dog, Take that chair shaped like his behind. You wanna steal my cowboy? Girl, I’ll help you load him up tonight. [Verse 2] He’ll tell you that he loves your cooking, Just wait till week number three. He’ll stare inside a full refrigerator And yell, “BABE, THERE’S NOTHING HERE TO EAT!” He leaves one sip inside the milk jug, Puts it right back every time. And somehow every single bathroom trip Takes forty-five minutes minimum online. [Chorus] So honey, you can have him, Take the boots and take the hat. Take his fantasy football obsession, Lord, you’re gonna love that. Take his snoring, take his laundry, Take that pile beside the bed. You wanted my handsome cowboy? Congratulations. He’s your problem instead. [Bridge — music gets quiet] But girl, before you drive away, There’s just one thing you oughta know… He says he “doesn’t need directions.” [pause] He does. And when something breaks around the house, He’ll watch fourteen videos online, Buy two hundred dollars worth of tools… Then call his dad. [BIG FIDDLE KICK] [Verse 3] Take his mama calling Sunday, Take his buddies Friday night, Take him saying, “I’m not hungry,” Then eating half of yours in one bite. Take the thermostat negotiations, Take his socks from off the floor, And when he says, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” Honey, you’ll hear that phrase forevermore. [Final Chorus — full honky-tonk band] Oh honey, YOU CAN HAVE HIM, I’ll put a ribbon on his hat. I’ll fill his truck up with gasoline— You ain’t gotta bring it back! Take his tackle box and PlayStation, Take every damn extension cord. I thought you came to steal my cowboy— Turns out you’re doing chores! So drive away into that sunset, Girl, I hope your love survives. You didn’t steal my man… You just gave me back my life! [Outro — cheerful fiddle] Oh, and honey?