Dungeon Master Plushie - Roll for shipping! #PlushiePandemic

[Intro – Ominous Narration, Dark tavern waltz, Deep lute, slow hand drums, eerie chimes] There I stood—a DM so grand, ‘Til the Jester stole the upper hand… One failed wisdom save— BOOP!.. BOOP! Behold! My plushie recoup! Witness… my cuddly damnation! …limited edition inflation. [Verse 1 – Bardcor, Four-on-the-Floor] Once I ruled with deadly rolls, Now I’m stuffed with corporate goals! My “TPKs”? Just lullabies— “Glow-in-the-dark-eyes!” They took my tragic, gritty past— Tagged me: “Rare! - but shipping’s extra fast.” [Pre-Chorus – Hurdy-gurdy drone, stomping beats] Don’t delay—these plushies fly! Like your wizard when they’re about to die! Order now— “exclusive deal!” "Velcro hands to hug... and hug me for real!" [Chorus – Catchy, Cruel, Trance] Roll for shipping! Nat 1 on pride! My squishy form the talk worldwide! (reverb tail) My “legendary actions”? “Toss me, squeeze me - pull my strings!” So spend your gold, the curse is set— Your DM's now… A stuffed-good pet! [Verse 2 - Bouncy bardcore, Punchy lute] My mimic’s a piggy bank - (how quaint), My owlbear’s a fanny pack - (restraint). My "dragon hoard"? Just coupon codes— "Redeemable for discounts on future loads!" The “dungeon”? Instructions unclear— “Batteries not included, scent of beer” [Pre-Chorus – Hurdy-gurdy drone, stomping beats] Don’t delay—these plushies soar! Like your bard right out the tavern door! Order now and get this bonus: “Velcro hands to hug, You're under my hypnosis!” [Final Chorus – Power-folk anthem, Trance] Roll for shipping! - Nat 1 on pride! My squishy form’s the talk worldwide! My ‘legendary resistance’? A tag that reads: “Stain-resistant! Machine-washable! Kid-approved indeed!” Don’t wait—the curse might lift Grab me now for the ultimate gift!... For the ultimate gift! [Bridge – psytrance, breakdown] From 'final boss' candidate to 'unboxing prop’ (drop...) Next they'll sell my… Dice as merch drop [Dark synth rising] [Outro – Darkly Funny, Fade-out] The Dungeon Master Plushie™… Plushie… The Dungeon Master Plushie™… …because sometimes… …you need to squeeze your DM… But Legally can't. [Drop] Sweet plushie dreams~ With your new DM plushies!"