DECEMBER DRAMA ZYRA [Intro — Cheerful Christmas Music, Phone Notifications] [Phone Buzzing Repeatedly] Oh, for fuck’s sake. It’s December third. Why is everybody already losing their minds? [Record Scratch] Here we go! [Verse 1 — Rapid-Fire, Sarcastic Trap-Rap] Seven in the morning, got a message from my ex, Saying, “Merry Christmas, baby,” like I haven’t read the texts. Best friend’s crying in the kitchen ’bout a boy she barely knows, And my mother wants a picture wearing matching Christmas clothes. Got a party on a Friday, got a dinner on a Sunday, Got a hundred little problems waiting for me every Monday. Somebody burned the cookies, somebody broke the tree, And somehow everybody’s pointing all their fingers back at me! Ding-dong, phone rings, somebody needs a favor, Got a cousin asking money for a brand-new refrigerator. I say, “Sorry, I’m unavailable,” they say, “Don’t be so dramatic!” Baby, I’m one notification from becoming problematic! [Pre-Chorus — Playful, Rising Female Vocals] One more invitation, One more complication. Everybody wants a miracle, I’m going on vacation! [Chorus — Catchy, Explosive Pop-Rap] December drama, drama, drama! Everybody’s got a problem! La-la-la, fa-la-la, I don’t wanna hear about ’em! December drama, drama, drama! Save it for your baby mama! Jingle bells, what the hell? I’m not fixing your December! Oh-oh-oh, let the Christmas chaos roll, Everybody’s losing their control! December drama, drama, drama, I’m not your holiday therapist! [Post-Chorus — Bouncy Trap Drop] Ding-ding, phone ring! Nope, I’m not answering! Ping-ping, new thing! Here we go again! Drama, drama, fa-la-la! Take your problems somewhere far! Ho-ho-ho, hell nah! Mute the chat, ha-ha-ha! [Verse 2 — Lightning-Fast Double-Time Rap] Tick-tock, gift shop, everybody’s panic buying, Got a thousand little people on the internet complaining. Wrong size, wrong price, wrong delivery location, Now the family group chat needs a full investigation. Auntie’s mad at Uncle, Uncle’s mad at Dad, Dad’s pretending everything is not completely going bad. Grandma’s in the kitchen saying, “Children, please behave,” While my sister’s throwing shade about the presents that she gave. Fast talk, flash sale, somebody lost the turkey, Somebody brought a boyfriend who’s a little too flirty. Somebody’s got a secret, somebody’s got a grudge, And they’re looking in my direction like I’m supposed to be the judge. Nope! Not me! Keep me out your situation! I am not the manager of Christmas confrontation. Got my headphones on, got my favorite little song, If you need a referee, you’ve been calling me all wrong! [Pre-Chorus — Rising Bells, Playful Harmonies] One more invitation, One more complication. Everybody wants a miracle, I’m going on vacation! [Chorus — Full Festive Trap Production] December drama, drama, drama! Everybody’s got a problem! La-la-la, fa-la-la, I don’t wanna hear about ’em! December drama, drama, drama! Save it for your baby mama! Jingle bells, what the hell? I’m not fixing your December! Oh-oh-oh, let the Christmas chaos roll, Everybody’s losing their control! December drama, drama, drama, I’m not your holiday therapist! [Bridge — Music Stops, Spoken Comedy] Okay. New rule. If your boyfriend cheated… Don’t call me. If your turkey’s on fire… Call the fire department. And if your Christmas delivery is late… (Pause) WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING ME?! [Phone Notification — Bass Builds] [Final Rap — Aggressive, Ultra-Fast Delivery] Ring-ring, ding-ding, Christmas is a circus, Got a hundred little people making everybody nervous. Red lights, green lights, somebody’s in a crisis, Everybody wants a miracle at holiday discount prices! Gift wrap, group chat, everybody’s offended, Got a party full of people who are barely even friends yet. If you want a little peace, here’s a wonderful suggestion: Put your phone on airplane mode and stop asking me questions! [Final Chorus — Explosive, Layered Female Vocals] DECEMBER DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA! Everybody’s got a problem! La-la-la, fa-la-la, I don’t wanna hear about ’em! DECEMBER DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA! Save it for your baby mama! Jingle bells, what the hell? I’m not fixing your December! Oh-oh-oh, let the Christmas chaos roll, Everybody’s losing their control! December drama, drama, drama, I’m not your holiday therapist! [Final Post-Chorus — Heavy Bass Drop] Ding-ding, phone ring! Nope, I’m not answering! Ping-ping, new thing! Here we go again! Drama, drama, fa-la-la! Take your problems somewhere far! Ho-ho-ho, hell nah! Mute the chat, ha-ha-ha! [Outro — Phone Buzzing, Whispered] [Phone Notification] Oh, look. Another message. [Phone Switches Off] Merry Christmas. I’m unavailable. (Zyra.)
