[Intro: jaunty piano] [Spoken] Ladies and gentlemen… I have terrible news. [Pause] None of us are getting out of this alive. [Bright brass hit] So shall we dance? [Verse 1: bouncing piano and bass] I spent a Tuesday worrying About a Thursday afternoon I made a list of future catastrophes And alphabetized them by noon I checked the mirror for significance I checked my pulse for fate Then missed the bus while wondering If existence could be late [Backing Vocals] Tick-tock! Think-think! Very impressive! [Lead] I had the weight of all creation Balanced neatly on my head Then a pigeon stole my sandwich [Pause] And the universe continued anyway [Pre-Chorus] So loosen up the necktie Kick the prophecy downstairs Half the things you’re frightened of Haven’t even happened anywhere And if tomorrow brings disaster [Backing Vocal] What then? [Lead] We’ll complain about it when it’s there [Chorus: huge singalong] DON’T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY THE UNIVERSE WON’T MIND You’re a temporary miracle With extraordinarily limited time Dance badly in the kitchen Wear the trousers you adore Nobody at the end will say [Backing Choir] “HE SHOULD HAVE WORRIED MORE!” [Lead] Laugh too loudly Love too much Order something strange tonight Don’t take it so seriously [Choir] You’ll never get out alive! [Verse 2: guitar joins, playful groove] There was a banker at the seaside Trying to optimize the sand He had quarterly projections And a clipboard in his hand He shouted at the ocean “You’re exceeding our forecast!” The ocean gave no comment [Splash sound] And removed his shoes quite fast [Backing Vocals] Terrible management! No respect for shareholders! [Lead] Meanwhile children built a kingdom That survived eleven minutes And they seemed considerably happier Than the gentleman who audited it [Pre-Chorus] You can measure every heartbeat You can schedule every kiss But life has an amusing habit Of refusing spreadsheets like this [Music stop] [Lead] There will always be a typo [Backing Vocal] Somewhere. [Lead] In the grand synopsis [Chorus] DON’T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY THE UNIVERSE WON’T MIND You’re a temporary miracle With extraordinarily limited time Sing loudly in the shower Take the scenic route once more Nobody at the end will say [Choir] “HE SHOULD HAVE WORRIED MORE!” [Lead] Lose the argument Keep the friend Let the stupid joke survive Don’t take it so seriously [Choir] You’ll never get out alive! [Instrumental Break: absurdly cheerful saxophone solo] [Backing Vocals] Ba-da-ba! Ba-da-ba! Existential crisis! [Saxophone flourish] [Spoken] Very tasteful. [Bridge: music becomes dreamy, slower] One day your name will be a story One day your house belongs to rain One day all your grand embarrassments Will inconvenience no one again The stars will never mention That you stumbled through a speech Mars won’t file a memorandum Because you wore two different socks last week [String swell] So perhaps the great objective Is considerably less grand Maybe life is mostly learning When to hold… And when to let go of the plan [Drums build] [Lead] And occasionally— [Choir] Order dessert! [Final Chorus: key change] DON’T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY THE UNIVERSE WON’T MIND You’re a glorious little accident On borrowed cosmic time Call your mother Kiss your lover Take your shoes off on the floor Nobody at the end will say [Massive Choir] “THEY SHOULD HAVE WORRIED MORE!” [Lead] Make mistakes Change your mind Take the long way when you drive Don’t take it so seriously You’ll never get out— [Music cuts] [Spoken] Well… Technically. [Full band explosion] [Choir] ALIVE! [Outro: piano and handclaps] [Lead] The planets keep on spinning [Backing Vocals] Spin, spin, spin! [Lead] Whether you’re prepared or not You get one astonishing ticket So enjoy the bloody plot [Slowing piano] And when you catch yourself believing Every problem is divine Just remember— [Whispered Choir] The universe won’t mind. [Final piano flourish] [Spoken] Dessert? [End]
