Click click click Tick tick Why's my toaster running Windows 6? Ping pong Ding dong Beep beep beep Something in the kitchen's counting sheep Please remain calm (Please remain calm) Please remain calm (Please remain calm) I wasn't even doing anything I pressed one button then I pressed it twice The microwave asked me to roll the dice I typed my name it rejected the name I typed it again now I'm somehow to blame Customer service said "Have you tried Turning your entire apartment upside?" I said "That's probably outside my lease" They said "Congratulations. You've unlocked the cheese." Click it Click it Click it again Wrong password Wrong password Who are you, friend? Three little beeps Then a corporate tone "Your toaster has entered the danger zone." BIG BIG BIG BUTTON BUTTON PRESS IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT BEEP BEEP BEEP SYSTEM SYSTEM SYSTEM WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU CLEAN IT? One two three four Give me four more Five six seven eight THE APPLIANCE HAS ESCAPED One two three four Four four four four Four SYSTEM ERROR The fridge sent me a calendar invite The kettle scheduled a meeting at five The blender joined a corporate retreat And somehow the toaster got promoted to chief I opened the drawer There was nothing inside Except a tiny little ticket that said: "PLEASE WAIT." I waited one minute I waited two more Then somebody knocked From inside the floor I asked "Who's there?" A voice said: "Premium support. BIG BIG BIG BUTTON BUTTON PRESS IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT BEEP BEEP BEEP SYSTEM SYSTEM SYSTEM WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU CLEAN IT? One two three four Give me four more Five six seven eight THE APPLIANCE HAS ESCAPED One two three four Four four four four Four Welcome to the kitchen Your estimated waiting time is: Four minutes Four minutes Four minutes Four minutes Thank you for your patience Thank you for your patience Thank you for your- PATIENT USER DETECTED PATIENT USER REJECTED Sippin', sippin', sippin' On imaginary lemonade System's spinning, spinning, spinning Like it knows the plans I made I said: "Can we please just make some toast?" The machine replied: "PLEASE SELECT YOUR GHOST" PRESS. THE. BUTTON PRESS THE BUTTON PRESS THE BUTTON I SAID PRESS THE FUCKING BUTTON! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Oops! I broke the kitchen Oops! I broke the kitchen Oops! I think the kitchen broke me Click click Beep beep Who gave appliances Access to the internet? Click click Beep beep Who gave appliances Access to the internet? SYSTEM OVERRIDE SYSTEM OVERRIDE SYSTEM OVERRIDE PLEASE INSERT A VALID PERSONALITY I DON'T HAVE ONE Excellent "Thank you for contacting Premium Kitchen Support Your issue has been resolved Your issue has been escalated Your issue has been archived Your issue has been- -turned into a lifestyle Have a nice day"
