[Intro – Spoken with sound effects] [Sound effects: gentle vinyl crackle or lo-fi static, faint lawnmower in distance, birds chirping] [Intro to the beat begins],[slow pace to begin with],[tight high-hats],[bass drum like a slow heartbeat] [Sound: can opening – ksshhh – followed by a refreshing gulp and an “ahhh”] [Male Rapper],[mature confident voice],[spoken, calm and cocky] Waasuuuup... Mic check one-two… dad check three-four. [Sound: adjusts mic stand, slight feedback squeal] You hear that? That’s the sound of worn-out sneakers on a freshly cut lawn. [Sound: lawn mower turning off in distance] I got the thermostat set to “DON’T TOUCH IT!” [Sound: door creak open, faint “Who touched the AC?!” from off-mic] Jokes locked, grill hot, socks high. [Sound: BBQ sizzle – tsssss – spatula flip, background laughter] Call the neighbors—I’m about to drop some certified groaners. You might laugh, you might cringe… [Sound: faint dad laugh – “heh…heh…”] Either way, you're in the Dad Zone now. [beat drop hits – crisp kick, bouncy hi-hats, cheeky bassline, guitar riff loops] [Rapper, half-whispered, hyped] Let’s mow. [Verse 1 - 120 bpm] I'm afraid for the calendar—its days are numbered. That one’s old — carved in stone and lumbered. Only know 25 letters—I don’t know Y. Still confused? Me too. Try not to cry. I used to hate facial hair—but it grew on me. I like that one because it’s rated G. What do you call a fake spaghetti? An IMPASTA! OK, now we’re ready! [Verse 2 – faster tempo 140 - 160 bpm] I was addicted to soap—but now I’m clean. That’s the dirtiest joke you’ve ever seen. Why can’t your nose be twelve inches long? It would be a foot. I hear groans coming on. I don't trust stairs—always up to somethin’. Like my co-worker, who always frontin'. Want to hear a roof joke? It’s over your head. Now somebody surely wants me dead. [Chorus] Yeah, I’m the pun-slinger, fast like a gun trigger, Droppin’ dad lines, makin' eyes-roll bigger. When does a one-liner become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent—that’s a classic, folks. Rippin’ like Velcro, awkward like cargo shorts, My punchlines can grill steaks and file reports. Crackin’ cold ones while I serve up the cheese, I feed off the groans—I don’t aim to please. [Verse 3] I don’t trust those trees—they seem a bit shady. Nature puns grow fast—don't play me. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. Let’s dance. What did zero say to eight? Nice belt, bro – yeah, that one’s great! Don't spell "part" backwards—it’s a trap. like Admiral Akbar’s Death Star snap. [Chorus] [Bridge – Half-sung, swagger-style delivery] Pulled a hamstring runnin’ through these puns, I got more bad lines than a dad with funds. Wore socks with sandals—I do it with pride, Tellin’ jokes in the minivan, takin’ that slide. Mic in one hand, remote in the other, Your mom laughed once—I am your father. I’m a suburban legend, weaponized corn, Been droppin' dad jokes since the day you were born. [Verse 4] I'm on a seafood diet—I see food, I eat it. Classic dad flex—just try to beat it. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time. Put another notch in. I like books about anti-gravity, can’t put 'em down. That one’s got levity. I asked the librarian for books on paranoia. The she whispered, [female whisper]“They’re right behind ya.” [Chorus] [Verse 5] I don’t trust atoms—they make up everything. Scientific pun—BOOM, now we’re levelling. Parallel lines have so much in common— but they’ll never meet. That one’s bombin’. I failed chemistry—but still got solutions. This next one’s got elements… and dad delusions. Oxygen got married to old magnesium? It's O-M-G … that’s pure dad-AY-nee-um!. [Chorus] [Outro – Slow tempo, smug delivery over fadeout beat] That’s all folks—my pun tank’s drained, But I’ll see you again like lower back pain. Leftovers in foil, jokes on repeat, My style's got lawn care and orthopedic heat. Every line’s bad—but somehow it lands, I got grill marks branded in these hands. So tip your cap to the cringe king’s throne, Droppin’ bars from the porch in the….Dad….Zone. [beat continues but starts to fade out] [Sound: Dad saying off mic “no, I’m not giving you any money” and “go ask your Mom”] [beat ends abruptly] [Sound: record scratch]
