Found

[Intro]
(Yee-haw, spoken over soft banjo)
Well I’ll be damned…

[Verse 1]
I’d been down in the coal mine since the crack of dawn
Black lung coughin’, back achin’, boots near gone
Clock hit six, I climbed in my rusted Ford
Headed home to a TV dinner and the good Lord

[Pre-Chorus]
Headlights caught somethin’ shiny on the double-yellow line
I slammed them brakes so hard I near snapped my spine

[Chorus]
There on the county road, big as a telephone pole
Was the biggest damn dick I ever seen in my days, bless my soul
Thirty feet of pecker lyin’ there in the moonlight glow
Lord, I reckon even Dolly’d say “Well, hello!”

[Verse 2]
It was veiny as a roadmap, purple-headed and proud
One giant ball on each side like two lost thunderclouds
Looked like God dropped his trousers and just to take a leak
And forgot to put it back before He went to sleep

[Chorus]
Yeah, right on the county road, standin’ tall as a silo
Biggest damn schlong in Tennessee, maybe Ohio
I just stared and I whispered, “Boy, that ain’t right”
Then I took me a picture for the boys back at the jobsite

[Bridge]
(Spoken over fiddle)
Called Sheriff Buckley, he said “Earl, you been drinkin’?”
I said “Only Coors Light, but this thing’s got me thinkin’
Maybe it’s a miracle, maybe it’s a sign from above
Or some frat boys with too much silicone and not enough love”

[Verse 3]
By mornin’ half the town was lined up takin’ selfies
Preacher called it Satan, tourists called it wealthy
News chopper overhead, TikTok went insane
Hashtag #TennesseeMonsterPeen trending in Spain

[Final Chorus]
Now it’s fenced off on the county road with a gift shop and a sign
“World’s Largest Detached Dong – $10 a time”
I still drive by most evenings, tip my hat and grin
Thinkin’ ‘bout that giant johnson and where the hell it’s been

[Outro]
(Yodel-style)
So here’s to hard work, cold beer, and things you can’t explain
Like a thirty-foot tallywhacker in the pourin’ rain
If you’re ever down in Harlan County, just follow the crowd
You’ll find ol’ Earl and the biggest damn dick in the South, yee-haw!

2056/7500

[Intro] (Yee-haw, spoken over soft banjo) Well I’ll be damned… [Verse 1] I’d been down in the coal mine since the crack of dawn Black lung coughin’, back achin’, boots near gone Clock hit six, I climbed in my rusted Ford Headed home to a TV dinner and the good Lord [Pre-Chorus] Headlights caught somethin’ shiny on the double-yellow line I slammed them brakes so hard I near snapped my spine [Chorus] There on the county road, big as a telephone pole Was the biggest damn dick I ever seen in my days, bless my soul Thirty feet of pecker lyin’ there in the moonlight glow Lord, I reckon even Dolly’d say “Well, hello!” [Verse 2] It was veiny as a roadmap, purple-headed and proud One giant ball on each side like two lost thunderclouds Looked like God dropped his trousers and just to take a leak And forgot to put it back before He went to sleep [Chorus] Yeah, right on the county road, standin’ tall as a silo Biggest damn schlong in Tennessee, maybe Ohio I just stared and I whispered, “Boy, that ain’t right” Then I took me a picture for the boys back at the jobsite [Bridge] (Spoken over fiddle) Called Sheriff Buckley, he said “Earl, you been drinkin’?” I said “Only Coors Light, but this thing’s got me thinkin’ Maybe it’s a miracle, maybe it’s a sign from above Or some frat boys with too much silicone and not enough love” [Verse 3] By mornin’ half the town was lined up takin’ selfies Preacher called it Satan, tourists called it wealthy News chopper overhead, TikTok went insane Hashtag #TennesseeMonsterPeen trending in Spain [Final Chorus] Now it’s fenced off on the county road with a gift shop and a sign “World’s Largest Detached Dong – $10 a time” I still drive by most evenings, tip my hat and grin Thinkin’ ‘bout that giant johnson and where the hell it’s been [Outro] (Yodel-style) So here’s to hard work, cold beer, and things you can’t explain Like a thirty-foot tallywhacker in the pourin’ rain If you’re ever down in Harlan County, just follow the crowd You’ll find ol’ Earl and the biggest damn dick in the South, yee-haw!

0/500