How to Roast a Good Doctor

light orchestral pop, vintage instructional, mid-century advertising jingle

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HOW TO FRY A GOOD DOCTOR

[Spoken introduction – cheerful, friendly vintage-style hostess voice] 
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Today we're preparing something very special. A much-loved family classic: Frying a good doctor. For best results, choose a medium-sized doctor. Fresh is best. If your doctor is wearing a crown, remove it before frying.

[Soft orchestral music]

First, place your doctor on a clean work surface. Remove the visor. Remove the headphones. And of course, the Drocs. Drocs are not oven-safe. 
[Background singing, friendly] Not oven-safe! ♪

[Spoken] 
Check the pockets carefully. You might find medical instruments, loose items, or a rusty spork. Discard the spork. We can't stress this enough.

[Music resumes]

Now season your doctor generously. A little salt. A little pepper. Garlic, if desired. And just enough butter to give him a nice golden crust. Don't forget to season under the beak, too. Nobody likes a bland doctor.

[Short, cheerful instrumental break]

Preheat your oven. Place the doctor comfortably in the roasting tin, breast-side up. If he resists, simply remind him that he asked to be roasted.

[Background vocals] He asked for it! ♪

[Spoken] 
Baste him with the pan juices every twenty minutes. Turn him over once. Don't leave the crown in the oven. It might get uncomfortably hot, and nobody wants melted royal seasoning in their gravy. After about two hours, test the doctor with a clean fork. Not his spork. A clean fork. If he's cooked properly, the outside should be crispy, the inside tender, and the good doctor no longer offering medical advice.

[Triumphant orchestral piece]

Place him on your finest serving platter. Garnish with parsley. Put the crown back on top. The Drocs can be arranged decoratively next to the plate, but under no circumstances should they be eaten. And there you have it! A perfectly fried Good Doctor—suitable for family meals, holidays, or whenever someone makes the unfortunate decision to put "Fry the Good Doctor" on the Wheel of Fortune. [Cheerful chorus] 
Enjoy your meal! ♪ 
[Spoken, smiling] 
Next week: Leftovers

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HOW TO FRY A GOOD DOCTOR [Spoken introduction – cheerful, friendly vintage-style hostess voice] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Today we're preparing something very special. A much-loved family classic: Frying a good doctor. For best results, choose a medium-sized doctor. Fresh is best. If your doctor is wearing a crown, remove it before frying. [Soft orchestral music] First, place your doctor on a clean work surface. Remove the visor. Remove the headphones. And of course, the Drocs. Drocs are not oven-safe. [Background singing, friendly] Not oven-safe! ♪ [Spoken] Check the pockets carefully. You might find medical instruments, loose items, or a rusty spork. Discard the spork. We can't stress this enough. [Music resumes] Now season your doctor generously. A little salt. A little pepper. Garlic, if desired. And just enough butter to give him a nice golden crust. Don't forget to season under the beak, too. Nobody likes a bland doctor. [Short, cheerful instrumental break] Preheat your oven. Place the doctor comfortably in the roasting tin, breast-side up. If he resists, simply remind him that he asked to be roasted. [Background vocals] He asked for it! ♪ [Spoken] Baste him with the pan juices every twenty minutes. Turn him over once. Don't leave the crown in the oven. It might get uncomfortably hot, and nobody wants melted royal seasoning in their gravy. After about two hours, test the doctor with a clean fork. Not his spork. A clean fork. If he's cooked properly, the outside should be crispy, the inside tender, and the good doctor no longer offering medical advice. [Triumphant orchestral piece] Place him on your finest serving platter. Garnish with parsley. Put the crown back on top. The Drocs can be arranged decoratively next to the plate, but under no circumstances should they be eaten. And there you have it! A perfectly fried Good Doctor—suitable for family meals, holidays, or whenever someone makes the unfortunate decision to put "Fry the Good Doctor" on the Wheel of Fortune. [Cheerful chorus] Enjoy your meal! ♪ [Spoken, smiling] Next week: Leftovers

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