A Hyrulean Quest

Glissando, mystical harp, jazz, theatrical, disco, orchestra, Disney, female vocals

[PRE-CHORUS]
Link is busy cooking chili peppers in the snow
And Zelda’s holding back the darkness—pro bono!
We need a warm body, a fresh volunteer
To wield the Master Sword (or at least, a rusty spear!)
So pack your bags, my peasant friend, and don't look so distressed
You’ve been conscripted randomly to start a Holy Quest!

[CHORUS]
It’s a Quest! A Romp!
Through the desert and the swamp!
A Hyrulean vacation where you’ll definitely stomp
On some Bokoblins and Moblins and slimes made out of gel
(And a Water Temple level that feels remarkably like hell!)
You’ll solve puzzles meant for toddlers that take hours to complete
And fight a giant spider while you’re staring at its feet!
So tighten up your tunic and puff out your little chest
It’s a grand, geometric, semi-problematic Quest!

[VERSE 2]
[Tempo accelerates—The Patter Section]
Now, let’s talk adventure! It’s a thrill, I guarantee!
You’ll visit Death Mountain where it’s two-thousand degrees!
You’ll buy some fireproof elixir from a lizard in a vest
Then freeze to death in Hebra when you fail the sliding test.
You’ll find a shiny broadsword that is glowing with the light
And it will shatter into pieces in the middle of a fight!
You’ll try to climb a canyon while it’s pouring down with rain
And slide right to the bottom—oh, the stamina and pain!
You’ll sneak past Ninja clans who love bananas quite a lot
And realize the villain is a cloud of purple rot!

[PRE-CHORUS]
And don't forget the side quests! The joy never recedes!
You have to find nine-hundred woodland spirits hiding seeds!
(They’re under rocks, they’re up in trees, they’re hiding in the air
I honestly don’t know why I put so many of them there!)
The Blood Moon rises fast, my dear, the sky is turning red
So please save all of Hyrule before everybody’s dead!

[CHORUS]
It’s a Quest! A Trip!
Get a grip and take a sip!
Of this potion made of lizards that will make your stomach flip!
It’s a classic hero’s journey with a terrifying boss
And if you fail, well, honestly, it’s not a huge loss!
(We’ll just reboot the timeline in a century or two!)
But for now, the fate of everyone comes down to only you!
So go collect the triangles and put my nerves to rest
On your dangerous, delirious,
Usually mysterious,
Please don't be too serious...
QUEST!

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[VERSE] My dear, put down that pitchfork and that heavy crate of feed I’ve plucked you from your pasture for a very special deed! I know you’re used to Kakariko, living slow and bland Just dodging falling moons and monsters roaming through the land. You spend your mornings milking cows and chasing stray cuccos And smashing unsuspecting pots to steal the strange rupees! But the Timeline is in crisis! The prophecy is stalled! The Hero’s stuck in traffic, so your number has been called! [PRE-CHORUS] Link is busy cooking chili peppers in the snow And Zelda’s holding back the darkness—pro bono! We need a warm body, a fresh volunteer To wield the Master Sword (or at least, a rusty spear!) So pack your bags, my peasant friend, and don't look so distressed You’ve been conscripted randomly to start a Holy Quest! [CHORUS] It’s a Quest! A Romp! Through the desert and the swamp! A Hyrulean vacation where you’ll definitely stomp On some Bokoblins and Moblins and slimes made out of gel (And a Water Temple level that feels remarkably like hell!) You’ll solve puzzles meant for toddlers that take hours to complete And fight a giant spider while you’re staring at its feet! So tighten up your tunic and puff out your little chest It’s a grand, geometric, semi-problematic Quest! [VERSE 2] [Tempo accelerates—The Patter Section] Now, let’s talk adventure! It’s a thrill, I guarantee! You’ll visit Death Mountain where it’s two-thousand degrees! You’ll buy some fireproof elixir from a lizard in a vest Then freeze to death in Hebra when you fail the sliding test. You’ll find a shiny broadsword that is glowing with the light And it will shatter into pieces in the middle of a fight! You’ll try to climb a canyon while it’s pouring down with rain And slide right to the bottom—oh, the stamina and pain! You’ll sneak past Ninja clans who love bananas quite a lot And realize the villain is a cloud of purple rot! [PRE-CHORUS] And don't forget the side quests! The joy never recedes! You have to find nine-hundred woodland spirits hiding seeds! (They’re under rocks, they’re up in trees, they’re hiding in the air I honestly don’t know why I put so many of them there!) The Blood Moon rises fast, my dear, the sky is turning red So please save all of Hyrule before everybody’s dead! [CHORUS] It’s a Quest! A Trip! Get a grip and take a sip! Of this potion made of lizards that will make your stomach flip! It’s a classic hero’s journey with a terrifying boss And if you fail, well, honestly, it’s not a huge loss! (We’ll just reboot the timeline in a century or two!) But for now, the fate of everyone comes down to only you! So go collect the triangles and put my nerves to rest On your dangerous, delirious, Usually mysterious, Please don't be too serious... QUEST!

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