Before I learned To fear the world I learned To read your face A little change Around your eyes A different sound Inside your voice I knew Something changed I didn't know What anger was I didn't know Disappointment I didn't know Rejection I only knew Warm Cold Near Far Safe Not safe So I watched I listened I learned What makes you smile? What makes you stay? What makes you hold me? What makes you Turn away? Maybe if I'm quiet Maybe if I'm good Maybe if I become What you want me to be You'll stay You'll smile You'll love me I need you I love you You can hurt me Please don't leave me And somewhere Inside those little words The alarm Found something new Not a predator Not a fire Not footsteps Beyond the trees A face Your face Before I learned To fear the world I learned To read your face Am I safe? Are you angry? Did I do something? Was it me? Was it me? Was it me? And nobody had to say You are not enough A child can learn it From a silence Nobody had to say Love must be earned A child can learn it From a door Closing Nobody had to say Become someone else The little vessel Was already learning Which version of me Gets loved? This one? No This one? Better How about this one? You smiled Keep that one Hide the other And slowly Without knowing We were doing it We began building Someone Someone acceptable Someone useful Someone funny Someone strong Someone obedient Someone who doesn't cry Someone who doesn't ask Someone who doesn't Make trouble Someone They might love And underneath Every version Still waiting Was the child Watching the face Listening to the voice Asking the first question That didn't come From danger Do you still Love me? Listen There is nothing wrong With wanting love Nothing wrong With belonging Nothing wrong With needing arms When the vessel is small But fear Had discovered something It could survive Inside relationship It could whisper Don't say that They might not love you Don't be that They might not love you Don't leave They might not love you Don't disagree They might not love you Hide that part They might not love you Be good Be useful Be what they need Be what they expect Just don't let them See something They might not love And years later The child grows The body gets taller The voice gets deeper The little hands Become old hands But somebody Changes their tone Somebody Doesn't call Somebody Walks away And suddenly There you are Standing in that room Again Watching the face Listening to the voice Trying to become The version of you That won't be left And the strangest thing You may not even Remember learning it But your body does Your body remembers Warm Cold Near Far Safe Not safe And underneath The adult voice Still barely audible Is the question Do you still Love me? ... But wait Who was I Before I learned Which version of me You would love?
