Oh, the Captain’s coffee’s thick as tar, It’ll strip the paint and fuel the spar, We swear it hums like a cannon jar— The Captain’s coffee brew! It bubbles black, it smokes like sin, It burned a hole in the bosun’s tin, And every sip puts hair on skin— The Captain’s coffee brew! [Chorus – Call and Response] Call: Drink it down, lads, drink it down! Crew: Captain’s coffee, black and brown! Call: Strong enough to drown a town! Crew: Captain’s coffee brew! All: Heave your mugs and mind your teeth, Pray the deck don’t melt beneath, We’ll sail till noon on fire and grief— The Captain’s coffee brew! [Verse 2] We begged for milk, we begged for cream, He said, “You’ll drink it dark and mean!” Now half the crew can’t blink, it seems— The Captain’s coffee brew! It steamed the map right off the wall, It woke the parrot, scared us all, It made the tide come in too tall— The Captain’s coffee brew! [Chorus – Louder and faster] Drink it down, lads, drink it down! Captain’s coffee, black and brown! Strong enough to drown a town! Captain’s coffee brew! Heave your mugs and guard your hearts, It’s jumpin’ ropes and sparkin’ charts, We’ll sail ‘til sanity departs— On Captain’s coffee brew! [Bridge – Spoken, like a tall tale around the galley] They say one pot sunk Devil’s Bay, And raised the dead by break o’ day, The Captain grinned and said, “Okay— That’s mild compared to two!” [Final Chorus – Crew in full swing] Drink it down, lads, drink it down! Captain’s coffee, black and brown! Strong enough to melt the ground! Captain’s coffee brew! Heave and ho, and may we live, The sea forgives what mugs can’t give, We’ll sail till sleep has no reprieve— On Captain’s coffee brew!
