What Remains

I found a picture from years ago And said, “That’s me” Little hands, little shoes A face I barely recognize Then I looked into the mirror And said, “That’s me” The child in the photograph And the face inside the mirror Have never met at all Yet somehow Both are called “me” The child disappeared The years appeared Still something’s here I’ve always been what remains I’ve always been what remains Through every loss Through every change I’ve always been what remains Before the name Before the pain I’ve always been what remains I spent years tending old wounds Learning the shape of every scar Turning over memories Trying to find out who they are Some brought tears Some brought anger Some felt heavier than stone I thought healing meant Putting back together What had somehow come undone But every memory I tried to heal Came and went Every feeling I tried to hold Came and went I’ve always been what remains I’ve always been what remains Through every loss Through every change I’ve always been what remains Before the name Before the pain I’ve always been what remains Baby teeth fell out New ones came in Scars appeared where skin had never been Thoughts changed Beliefs changed Even the reflection rearranged A thousand versions Came and went Yet something here Was never one of them Every memory I tried to heal Came and went But something was there before the memory And after it I can’t hold it in a sentence Can’t fit it in a thought The closer that I look The less it looks like what I sought What never came Can never go away And every name I give it Just seems to fade away I’ve always been what remains I’ve always been what remains Through every rise Through every fall I’ve always been what remains Before the face Before the frame I’ve always been what remains I’ve always been what remains I’ve always been what remains The picture changed The mirror changed The story changed The seasons changed And still… I’ve always been what remains