[Intro] (Fast, aggressive chicken-pickin' Telecaster intro with heavy stomping bass drum and rolling barrelhouse piano) (Gritty spoken baritone sneer) There’s a ton of stories about Jody... This one is mine. Nine months in the sand... Just to walk through my own front door to this bullshit. Hit it! [Verse 1] (Chugging 2-step groove, walking bass, sharp electric guitar stabs) I dropped my duffel bag right in the foyer floor, Saw a pair of skinny sneakers sitting by the door. Walked in the kitchen, middle of the afternoon, Some boy in my bathrobe eating with my spoon! He had my favorite coffee in my favorite mug, Spreading avocado on my kitchen rug. He looked up at my uniform, turned ghost-white pale, I said, "Son, your little tryout just came off the rail." [Pre-Chorus] (Snare drum builds rapidly, screaming pedal steel slide) I didn't call the sheriff, didn't shed a single tear, I grabbed him by the collar and I hauled him outta here! [Chorus] (Maximum explosive volume, roaring guitars, rowdy gang shout) Well, fuck you, Jody! Hope you like the prize! 'Cause you just inherited a lifetime of lies! I drug your skinny ass across the gravel drive, You’re lucky that you're walking out of here alive! Take the woman, take the drama, take the minivan too, The house is mine, the kids are mine, and now she’s stuck with you! Yeah, fuck you, Jody! You thought you had it made, Now you're paying retail for the bed you laid! [Verse 2] (Fast driving tempo resumes, twangy Telecaster fills) I kicked the front door open, walked back in the room, Wife was standing in the hall looking like doom. She started stuttering, trying to apologize, Throwing out excuses and a thousand alibis. I said, "Pack up your makeup, get your high-heeled shoes, You and loverboy can go and sing the blues. My truck stays parked right here in the bay, My dog stays here, and you're leaving today!" [Pre-Chorus] (Snare roll, heavy guitar chug) I threw her suitcase out across the front lawn grass, Told her, "Go help Jody up off of his ass!" [Chorus] (Maximum explosive volume, roaring guitars, rowdy gang shout) Well, fuck you, Jody! Hope you like the prize! 'Cause you just inherited a lifetime of lies! I drug your skinny ass across the gravel drive, You’re lucky that you're walking out of here alive! Take the woman, take the drama, take the minivan too, The house is mine, the kids are mine, and now she’s stuck with you! Yeah, fuck you, Jody! You thought you had it made, Now you're paying retail for the bed you laid! [Guitar Solo] (Blazing fast, aggressive Telecaster solo trading off with unhinged honky-tonk piano and screaming pedal steel runs) [Bridge] (Halftime groove breakdown, heavy kick pulse, spoken baritone chuckle) (Laughs into the mic) Hey Jody... Did she tell you about the maxed-out credit cards? Did she tell you about her mama moving in next spring? (Guitar feedback screams) Have fun with that, buddy! She’s all yours! (Full drum roll launches back into double-time!) [Chorus] (Full throttle, absolute wall of sound, shouting gang vocals) Well, fuck you, Jody! Hope you like the prize! 'Cause you just inherited a lifetime of lies! I drug your skinny ass across the gravel drive, You’re lucky that you're walking out of here alive! Take the woman, take the drama, take the minivan too, The house is mine, the kids are mine, and now she’s stuck with you! Yeah, fuck you, Jody! You thought you had it made, Now you're paying retail for the bed you laid! [Outro] (Driving 2-step kicks into overdrive, wild Telecaster bends) Stuck with you, boy! Enjoy the payment plan! Get off my lawn! (Big crashing finish on an E-major power chord, glass shattering sound effect, and an engine screeching away)
