[Intro] [Verse 1] My dog ate tinsel, now his poop is glittery! Santa's elves make toys, but they're really quite fidgety. My sister wants a pony, I want a space shark, My dad keeps singing loud songs in the dark. The lights on the tree keep blinking all weird, And grandma's got a new sparkly, fake beard! [Chorus] Oh, reindeer on my toes, and candy cane hair! Christmas smells like pickles and a fuzzy brown bear! Presents wrapped in sweaters, a glittery sneeze! Santa lives in chimneys, munching on cheese! [Verse 2] I saw a squirrel wearing a tiny red hat, He tried to steal a cookie, but my mom yelled, "Scat!" We built a snowman, but he fell on his face, Now he looks like a giant, snowy disgrace. My socks have got holes, but they're Christmas-themed socks, And I found a secret spider in my brother's toy box! [Instrumental Break] [A chaotic mix of sleigh bells, kazoo, a drum machine attempting a beat, and someone trying to play "Deck the Halls" on a glockenspiel but hitting wrong notes with enthusiasm. Ends with a loud, excited "WOOHOO!"] [Chorus] Oh, reindeer on my toes, and candy cane hair! Christmas smells like pickles and a fuzzy brown bear! Presents wrapped in sweaters, a glittery sneeze! Santa lives in chimneys, munching on cheese! [Bridge] Last year, I got a potato, just for fun, And then I painted stripes on it, one by one. My cat thinks the ornaments are bouncy new toys, And he keeps knocking them down with a clatter and noise. Maybe Santa will bring me a giant, sticky worm, Or a spaceship made of spaghetti, to weather any storm! [Verse 3] Mom says "Eat your veggies!" but they look like green trees, And I'd rather have ice cream and play with my knees. The carols on the radio sound like a big yawn, Unless it's the one about Frosty, right from the dawn. I wish all the snow tasted just like bright juice, And the Christmas tree talked and called me a goose! [Outro] "Merry Christmas, everybody! Don't forget the pickles." [Fade out with a final, distant jingle bell]
