No Apologies

It was never just the love I lost. It was trust. It was safety. It was the future I thought we were building while you carried a different truth behind my back. You held me close. Told me I was beautiful. While living a lie. That does something to a person. I didn’t know betrayal could be that quiet. That someone could stand beside me, love me, and still hide something so big. You looked at me like nothing was wrong while everything had already begun to fall apart. It will take time. (It will take time.) But I’m still here. (I’m still here.) And I’m standing. Bit by bit. (Bit by bit.) Bit by bit. (I rise again.) I sit here now. Not because I miss you. But because I fear I may never again let anyone all the way in. That it will take time. A long time. That the person who meets me next will also meet this – my hesitation, my fear, my broken edges. And that hurts me. Not because I want you back. But because I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe in us. In you. That this was real. It will take time. (It will take time.) But I’m still here. (I’m still here.) And I’m standing. Bit by bit. (Bit by bit.) Bit by bit. (I rise again.) And you won’t recognize me when I’m done. (When I’m done.) But I breathe. I dry my hair. I save kids from spiders. I make fruit salad. I make my bed. And sometimes, in the middle of the mess, I feel warmth. A film in bed. A laugh. A breath that doesn’t hurt. I don’t need saving. I need time. It will take time. (It will take time.) But I’m still here. (I’m still here.) And I’m standing. Bit by bit. (Bit by bit.) Bit by bit. (I rise again.) And you won’t recognize me when I’m done. (When I’m done.) (When I’m done.)