[Intro – spoken, casual, already mid-story] Okay—listen—nobody panic— this is a completely normal approach— I’ve done this like… once before—successfully— engines are hot, everything’s shaking, Dave is in the back just aggressively “ooga”-ing— which I’m choosing to interpret as encouragement— and I’m lining this thing up perfectly— so naturally… I announce it— I’M COMING! [Verse 1] I’m lining up the ship, everything’s steady for once No alarms, no fire, which honestly feels suspicious Dave’s in the back pressing things he absolutely shouldn’t be pressing but somehow it’s helping I’ve got the runway locked in Nice and smooth approach This is easily my best landing attempt ever So I do what any confident pilot would do I lean forward, open the comms, and I announce— real clear, real proud— I’m coming! [Pre-Chorus] And immediately— something feels… off Not with the ship The ship’s perfect It's The people [Chorus] I’m coming! Just meant I’m arriving Pulling in, right on time, everything’s working I’m coming! Like hey, I’m here now Not whatever they think I just said out loud Oooh I’m coming! And I don’t know why everyone’s staring like I just ruined their lives [Verse 2] I land it. Clean. Genuinely impressive. I’m expecting at least one person to clap No one claps One guy drops what he’s holding Another guy just slowly backs away like I’m unstable There’s a woman up front who will not look at me anymore And I’m standing there like— did I miss something? So I say it again because maybe they didn’t hear me the first time [Pre-Chorus] That was the moment that made it worse [Chorus] I’m coming! Clear as I can say it Trying to fix it, but I’m only digging deeper I’m coming! Now I hear it myself and I wish I could go back like five seconds Oooh I’m coming! And I think at this point they all think I’m doing it on purpose [Bridge] So now I’m replaying it in my head The tone, the timing, the confidence The way I said it like it was an achievement …yeah, okay I get it [Breakdown – slower, self-aware] I should’ve said landing That’s a good word People like landing Approaching destination That’s professional I’m coming! …that’s not professional [Final Chorus] I’m coming! I mean—no— I’m here I’ve arrived The ship has landed Everything is fine I’m coming— …nope, still bad [Outro] Alright new rule We are never saying that again … (unless it’s really funny)
