Hey Fuckers, It seems the popular opinion is drink your problems is getting out of hand They say “I’m outside tonight” So i asks.. Outside huh, where outside? Oh, My bedroom Honestly, We come up with every excuse imaginable to drink Had a good day? We drinking Had a bad day? We drinking Got paid? We drinking Broke? We drinking I swear i dont get the world we live in Honestly though, But fuck it i guess, WE DRINKING to that shit too… I tried to take a break from drinking once I told myself “I’m gonna get healthy I’m gonna drink more water, shit I’m gonna start making better decisions” Then my roommate walks in And this girl got ONE solution for every situation Every time I see her it’s the same damn thing “TAKE A SHOT!” Girl I just woke up “TAKE A SHOT!” I got work in twenty minutes “TAKE A SHOT!” I said I was trying to get my life together She said “well zen, lets take a shot for the new you I swear i love her to death but girl was my personal bartender for 9 months I swear i would have nightmares I would hear “ TAKE A SHOT BITCH!” In a ghostly voice I love her down but any emotion would mean we taking a shot She happy? Take a shot She sad? Take a shot We going out? Take a shot We staying? well we aint doing anything else so lets take a shot At this point I don’t even think she likes alcohol I think she’s just a bartender with unresolved feelings But have you ever notice every alcohol got a different character? Vodka got you acting like you got no home training You drink vodka and suddenly you’re telling strangers your whole life story “Bro I ain’t never told nobody this before…” BRO WE’RE IN A GAS STATION PARKING LOT, i really dont give a fuck bout shit when you were 7 at 1:52 pm Then you got tequila Tequila got a mother fucker thinking they can dance but looking like a loose noodle on the dance floor What about Patrón, have yall heard “Patron got me gone” Gone WHERE? I dont know but somebody better find my damn car keys AND WHO THE FUCK Drew “ fuck this pussy ” ON MY DAMN CAT!!! Oh shit that was me my bad my bad.. You ever drink tequila and wake up the next morning with with whip cream on your nipples and a whole box of pancake mix all over your bed and a damn spatula on your tv like bunny ears ( shit i guess i wanted pancakes) Then there’s Hennessy Henny thing possible That’s what people say right before doing something that should be impossible, “they say “ But really You drink Henny and suddenly you’re a motivational speaker “Bro we gotta stop letting people hold us back” Bro you called your ex fourteen times WHO IS HOLDING WHO BACK?! And Goose? Grey Goose got me loose Too loose And most of us don’t even know how to dance when they sober… but two drinks in now your moving like your chris brown But then reality hits you when you hit one spin move, and now your ass on the floor like the lady off the, “ive fallen… and i cant get up” life alert commercial… And the worst is some liq Got motherfuckers looking in the mirror seeing morris chestnut, but in reality looking like james brown… im sorry king of soul you going home alone bro… And whiskey? Whiskey got you thinking you’re the wisest person in the room You start giving advice nobody requested “See the problem with this generation is” SIR you got 5 different baby mommas and your only source of income is walmart, BRO you are the GENERATIONAL PROBLEM… So Lets not fix generations until we fix ourselves ok And that’s why I started making rules for myself No drinking on weekdays Then I realized every day got a name that makes you have to drink Monday? That’s a rough start Tuesday? Tuesday is Taco Tuesday Wednesday? We call that Hump day Thursday? Oh thats Almost Friday Friday? It’s Friday Saturday? Bitch! We outside day Sunday? Sunday is last call, Funday I tried to find a day not to drink and discovered the calendar must’ve been created by somebody who owned a liquor store So now I’m trying to learn how to say no Then BOOM, my old roommate walks in, “TAKE A SHOT, bitch!” Thank yall goodnight And drink responsibly And this is BOTTLE TALK 2 bitch!!!!!
