What i became to survive

I don’t remember when it started Only when it stayed Like a shadow learning patience Inside my name I learned to speak without asking To smile without meaning “fine” I learned how to carry the silence Like it was never mine They said “time will heal the damage” But time only taught me how To live with what I couldn’t fix And call it living now I didn’t lose myself completely I just stepped aside This is what i became to survive Not stronger, just still alive I traded fire for a quiet flame That doesn’t ask, doesn’t fight This is what i became to survive Not broken, just redesigned If you’re looking for who i was She’s somewhere behind my eyes I don’t blame the nights that changed me Or the hands i couldn’t hold I blame the part that learned too early How to harden just to cope Some prayers don’t reach the ceiling They settle in your chest And teach you how to breathe With what you never said I stayed I stayed This is what i became to survive A softer wound, a sharper spine I don’t bleed where you expect But i still feel it every time If surviving means pretending I don’t need what i still crave Then let me grieve the version of me That never learned to stay This is what i became to survive Not fearless, just aware I learned the art of letting go Without pretending i don’t care This is what i became to survive And i won’t apologize If the cost of staying breathing Was leaving parts behind I survived… And that will have to be enough